Kru Filipin, Pai Kap Baan (The Filipino Teacher Finally Goes Home)

I started packing my things today and felt a bit nostalgic, that I had to stop.

I am not a very sentimental person. But, just when I thought that I’m getting used to letting go of things and people, and places, I was struck yet again by a fresh wave of separation anxiety that everything seems surreal. Just the other day, I even shared to Ahne that I’m so happy because I can really sense that I’m almost through with my quarter-life crisis---that I have come to terms with the part of myself that can let go of the things and events that I don’t have control of. But I guess, nobody can really get used to the anxiety and the ball of nerves that can be brought about by leaving.

I am so used to packing a week’s worth of things. Give me ten minutes, five minutes even, and I can pack everything in a duffel bag. But, how can I pack three years in a 30-kilogram luggage?

Before I go about remembering and realizing what my three years in Thailand has taught me as a person, tonight, I decided to think about what it has taught me as a teacher because in the first place, I came here to teach.

I would like to think that I’ve become more giving and more selfless as a teacher and as a person. Loving and teaching students who have a totally different culture and language from you is something that transcends what you have learned and been taught in the educ school. It requires to give more of yourself. In my early months, I sometimes even caught myself asking, “What am I doing here---teaching foreign kids---when I can teach kids back home?”. But then, the answer to that is simple---I simply have to because I am a teacher and being a teacher is not defined by nationality or race or even language.

Homesickness was not only the thing that challenged me during my first few months of teaching in Thailand. I also already expected the adaptation to the country’s culture. But what mostly constituted this adaptation was my academic culture shock. I remember my very first time witnessing some students walking around the campus in just their white socks. The fact that they had to leave their shoes outside the classroom was already a bit to digest for me---seeing them walking around with just those socks, I can only imagine my eyes popping out from their sockets.

Thailand had also taught me to slow down as a teacher. In the Philippines, I am aware that I was the kind of teacher that had quite some standards to keep. I realized, while teaching in this foreign country, that I had to level my teaching standards as to what my students were capable of. If I weren't able to do that, I definitely would have ended up in a sanitarium from too much frustration in just a matter of weeks. I can remember the many times that I had to stop in the middle of my discussion, upon realizing that nobody actually understood me---to the point that I felt the strong desire to just sit on the classroom floor and wail like an 8-year old kid. As in, naisipan ko na lang talaga na maglupasay sa sobrang frustration! There was also this instance when I was already almost teary-eyed from anger when I kept on repeating the word “villi” and all I heard was the word(?) “willi”.

But then, eventually, I learned to adapt. Or maybe, it was the other way around---my students learned to adapt to me. I’ve realized that simplifying everything can really work wonders. I’ve also become so good (ahahaha!) at gestures and actions to express what I meant, that I even had this joke that if I’d go back home, I’d definitely be an asset in a game of charades. My classroom, unlike before, had evolved into a place with more room for mistakes. But above all, I learned that the universal language is not actually English but the smiles and awkward laughter when words fail us and everyone in th room could not understand each other.

I don’t even need to put captions in each picture for each of them brings a rich collection of stories and anecdotes that would always, always, make me smile and remember fondly how these Thai kids were able to stretch my heart, way bigger than the day I left home, about three years ago. :)