This Indefatigable Belief

And I’m so back my ‘pinas!

Working as a teacher in a foreign country sometimes makes me want to cry out in anger and in anguish with the realization of the many opportunities and the quality of education deprived from a big number of young people way back home.

Seeing how these (my) foreign students are enjoying a lot of educational materials and facilities which are most of the time, in 1:1 ratio, awakens a deep-seated sadness in me with the knowledge that way back home, there are still some classrooms that lack books and there are still a lot of selfless teachers who spend their own money from their meager salaries just to buy books and materials which will then be shared to a class composed of 60 students. A desktop computer in a far-flung barrio school, can already be considered a miracle.

Seeing how my foreign students are given all the possible opportunities to study and compete abroad with sufficient funding and support from the school and their government, awakens a seed of frustration and jealousy in me for all the missed chances and opportunities of a lot of young Filipino students who have such so much potentials (and I can claim to be one of the best group of young people in the world, given just the right motivation and training), due to the misplaced funding of the government, lack of training and proper screening of the educational work force, lousy and greedy politicians, and of a big number of Filipino teachers who have chosen to leave *cringe* not only to look for greener pastures, but because some of them have actually lost faith in the twisted system.

It is really true that sometimes, it takes stepping back a little for somebody to see what really is wrong in the whole picture. In my case, I’ve taken miles of steps away and though it might take me some time to heal my frustration over the whole system, but what pacifies and gives me peace at the moment is that my faith in the Filipino youth, in the countless selfless and dedicated teachers who chose to stay (despite of), and my faith in the teaching profession as a whole, is quite indefatigable.

Teaching is Synonymous to Learning

Although one learns a lot as a teacher every day, I consider my first two years as a fresh-out-of-the-university teacher as my formative years in the teaching field. Learning the strategies of teaching, being temporarily cross-eyed from hours of peering through the microscope, memorizing bizarre names which I couldn’t even speak properly (how much more spell?), can all be considered as child’s play compared to being in the actual field. No amount of university training has ever prepared me (most especially my heart) to being an actual teacher. 

Even though I have yet so much to learn, I believe that I gained some of the most significant lessons that every teacher must learn during my first few years as a teacher. And randomly, here are they:

1. Being a twenty year old, well-sheltered, idealistic, fresh-out-of-university teacher who teaches gangly, 14 year old teenagers could most of the time mean disaster and numerous episodes of minimal heartaches. The best remedy? Laugh it off.

2. Most of the time, a hug from young kids actually means being squeezed, to death. But who’s complaining?

3. Remember way back in high school when nobody trusted you with cutting styrofoam because all you come up with are these irritatingly jagged edges and lots and lots of broken pieces? Well, redeem yourself because being a teacher means perfecting the aft of Styrofoam letter cut-outs----and later on, you will have no idea how did you do it. Plus, did I mention that there is a great possibility of going home literally covered with glitters from head to foot while getting these weird glances from people inside in the jeepney?

4. So much about being strict with spellings, punctuations and S-V agreement. Sometimes, you have to learn your students’ language.

5. A science class can instantly turn into a fruit salad party!

6. You think you have already perfected the poker-face look to appear cool and composed when you dissect a frog? Think again. Look at that slight, cringing expression in your face in the photo.

7. A solar eclipse in the middle of a science class is always a welcomed surprise and blessing.

8. When you look after young kids outside of the school premises, no matter how you mentally compose yourself to be overly alert, you would always have that weird thump of worry in your heart . Even though you are certain that you have no ounce of motherly instinct with you, but being a teacher is the closest experience to motherhood/fatherhood that one could ever get.

9. Cherish your support system. They will become your lifetime friends

Kru Filipin, Pai Kap Baan (The Filipino Teacher Finally Goes Home)

I started packing my things today and felt a bit nostalgic, that I had to stop.

I am not a very sentimental person. But, just when I thought that I’m getting used to letting go of things and people, and places, I was struck yet again by a fresh wave of separation anxiety that everything seems surreal. Just the other day, I even shared to Ahne that I’m so happy because I can really sense that I’m almost through with my quarter-life crisis---that I have come to terms with the part of myself that can let go of the things and events that I don’t have control of. But I guess, nobody can really get used to the anxiety and the ball of nerves that can be brought about by leaving.

I am so used to packing a week’s worth of things. Give me ten minutes, five minutes even, and I can pack everything in a duffel bag. But, how can I pack three years in a 30-kilogram luggage?

Before I go about remembering and realizing what my three years in Thailand has taught me as a person, tonight, I decided to think about what it has taught me as a teacher because in the first place, I came here to teach.

I would like to think that I’ve become more giving and more selfless as a teacher and as a person. Loving and teaching students who have a totally different culture and language from you is something that transcends what you have learned and been taught in the educ school. It requires to give more of yourself. In my early months, I sometimes even caught myself asking, “What am I doing here---teaching foreign kids---when I can teach kids back home?”. But then, the answer to that is simple---I simply have to because I am a teacher and being a teacher is not defined by nationality or race or even language.

Homesickness was not only the thing that challenged me during my first few months of teaching in Thailand. I also already expected the adaptation to the country’s culture. But what mostly constituted this adaptation was my academic culture shock. I remember my very first time witnessing some students walking around the campus in just their white socks. The fact that they had to leave their shoes outside the classroom was already a bit to digest for me---seeing them walking around with just those socks, I can only imagine my eyes popping out from their sockets.

Thailand had also taught me to slow down as a teacher. In the Philippines, I am aware that I was the kind of teacher that had quite some standards to keep. I realized, while teaching in this foreign country, that I had to level my teaching standards as to what my students were capable of. If I weren't able to do that, I definitely would have ended up in a sanitarium from too much frustration in just a matter of weeks. I can remember the many times that I had to stop in the middle of my discussion, upon realizing that nobody actually understood me---to the point that I felt the strong desire to just sit on the classroom floor and wail like an 8-year old kid. As in, naisipan ko na lang talaga na maglupasay sa sobrang frustration! There was also this instance when I was already almost teary-eyed from anger when I kept on repeating the word “villi” and all I heard was the word(?) “willi”.

But then, eventually, I learned to adapt. Or maybe, it was the other way around---my students learned to adapt to me. I’ve realized that simplifying everything can really work wonders. I’ve also become so good (ahahaha!) at gestures and actions to express what I meant, that I even had this joke that if I’d go back home, I’d definitely be an asset in a game of charades. My classroom, unlike before, had evolved into a place with more room for mistakes. But above all, I learned that the universal language is not actually English but the smiles and awkward laughter when words fail us and everyone in th room could not understand each other.

I don’t even need to put captions in each picture for each of them brings a rich collection of stories and anecdotes that would always, always, make me smile and remember fondly how these Thai kids were able to stretch my heart, way bigger than the day I left home, about three years ago. :)

Faculty by Jerrold Tarog

This film talks about some serious issues but ironically, it tickled my funny bone. The last line of the character which is “Magtuturo ako ng high school.” sent me guffawing. That is because I might identify myself as the realistic character in the movie but the rebel/activist character was the very personification of me during my impressionable years (Remember the I-can-change-the-world phase that we’ve all gone through? That’s it. ) And that caused me to laugh. Remembering is not only bitter-sweet, this time, I labeled it as a bitter-sweet kind of “funny”.

I too was a rebel. On, second thought, the usage of word seems inappropriate. Rebel is such a strong word. But if questioning authorities and unclear traditions and laws and ancient political system is labeled as rebellious, so let’s leave that term as it is. That was the reason why my nanay was so hesitant to let me study in UP when I passed the entrance exam because she clearly knows my rebellious streak. I would definitely be the cause of her death if she sees me on television marching around with a red band on my head while raising my fist in the air. And believe me, I could clearly see myself doing just that way back, and so did my mother. So, UP was eliminated from my would-be-university list.

So what happened to me along the way? Tell anybody who knows me just about 5 years ago up to just recently about my rebellious streak and you’ll definitely hear, “Oh c’mon! She’s so level-head and mild-mannered." In fact, for about six years now, I can only count to about 3 instances when I flared out and shared a piece of my mind to people whom I think are already out of the line.

No, I didn’t become jaded nor cynical nor passive. I can never be those things even if I try.

I think that I have mellowed. I have evolved from a highly idealistic and impressionable yet, unscathed youth, into somebody who has witnessed and experienced some of life’s ragged and ugly realities.

So, this short video is a gift---a gift of seeing my would-have-been self had I not learned to tone down on my idealism.

School Year-end Mushiness Overload....;)

This video turned my (Almost jaded, ahahaha!) heart into just pure slush.

When it was sent to me this morning by a student named Namphung (Thai word for Honey. See? Her name suits her very well. Sweet.), good thing I was able to stop myself from sobbing like an 8-year old kid inside the faculty room. And to think that I seldom cry.

I love these kids, with their wrongly spelled words and all. Every time I think of how far they’ve grown in terms of their learning and thinking skills, including their English conversation skill (They can now form coherent sentences with conjunctions---and that’s a GREAT LEAP!) ever since they’ve been into our classes summer of 2012, my heart could only burst with pride. And one should see them in their science class! From being passive and shy learners, they have evolved into learners who constantly ask questions (A lot of questions!) and even share their own thoughts and ideas. They are the kind of learners who would become so giddy during the days when we would get to have science experiments. And lastly, they are the kind of learners who would find a way to get into your heart.

What I’m very happy of is that they are not sad just because they would be losing a teacher but they are sad because they are worried that they wouldn’t get to learn as much----that means that these kids have embraced the love of learning. I’m happy that what is in their mind is NOT “Ang galling-galing mo teacher. Paano kung aalis ka na?”. Rather, “Teacher, ang galing-galing ko na! Sana yung sunod na teacher namin maturu-an din kami nang mabuti.”

As a teacher, I can only beam with pride. :)

To pacify them, here’s what I told them: “Don’t worry kids. I’m just on the other side of the ocean.”

To Go Back Home, and Start Leaving a Mark

I am a product of the Philippine public school system---that means my elementary and high school years were spent in our local central school and in our city’s national high school, not to mention my university training in a state university. I certainly know about the bad publicity of our country’s public school, all right. The selling of ice candies and tocinos and other chichirias by the teachers inside the classrooms are actually true. So is the one-(obsolete)-book-per-five-students ratio. But despite all these negative facts and for whatever it’s worth, I’ll have to say that the best teachers and the most promising youth of the country are actually found in the public school system.

Perhaps, I had been so lucky to have been under the training and to have sat in the classes of some of the best and the most resourceful public school teachers. My learning foundations were deeply embedded in me, thanks to my dedicated and very supportive elementary teachers at Man-it Central Elementary School. Right after graduating from elementary, I qualified in the Special Science Program of our public high school and it was there that I was trained to excel in my studies. I was so enthusiastic to learn, and the education and training that were given to us pushed us to transcend from being grade conscious students and to become young people who dream big and who are not afraid to start working hard for those dreams. And when I say, start working hard for those dreams, I mean studying hard to cope with what were expected of us and at the same time, to take advantage of our training and learn as much as we can.

I believe it was at a certain moment in high school when I decided to become a teacher. Sure, we were lucky to have received such good training that it never happened at one point that being in a public school became an issue to me, or made me feel inferior to those who were studying in far more expensive private institutions. At such a young age, I was already deeply moved by stories of other kids who have to cross rivers and mountains just to receive a formal education, of students who don’t get the quality of education that they deserve just because a number of their teachers are misplaced or lack the proper training. I deemed it unfair that I and my classmates get to have some of the best teachers and facilities, while a big portion of students in schools around the country have to be victims of poor service and quality of education.

We all go through that stage when we want to change the world---that’s what happened to me at the age of 14 or 16, maybe. That’s what fired my desire in pursuing a teaching course in the university, despite my parents’ slight disapproval and the raising of eyebrows from most people whom I know of which suggests, “Why take up education?”

The passion to teach, to actually change the world through it, was gradually forgotten between letting life happen and amidst the issues and concerns that I have to deal with as a young teacher and as a young adult who was (and still is) just starting out to grasp the rules of the game in the big, grown up world. 

I started my first year of teaching in a promising new private school in our city---but never forgetting that I have to pay back to the system that had educated me well and provided me means to pave my way towards my dreams. Two, three, and now, five years have passed and I’m still in the private school system. Furthermore, I am teaching away from the country, away from the young people of my country whom I once promised to dedicate my profession and service to.

Yes, I’ve tried getting through to the Philippine public system. I marched on to several qualifying examinations and interviews in my province without any connections, armed only by my young and idealistic spirit, confident that I have it in me the capacity and the grace to teach. With all humility, I have to say that I have topped the examinations and the interviews and with my training, I am certain that I have aced through the class demonstrations. Though I have yet so much to learn and to improve, but teaching is one of the few things that I can do excellently---and I can say that with humility, and without batting an eyelash. But then just like any warrior who marches on with blind faith and optimism, I thought that I was prepared to see the ugly truths inside the system but my spirit was crushed, nonetheless. I have experienced it first hand how a lack of political connection would render you almost powerless and voiceless, I have proven that in some cases (I would not generalize because I still believe in the system despite what I’ve proven to be true), ranking #1 in the whole qualifying and hiring process wouldn’t get you a teaching post, whom you know actually would. For all that I know and have come to accept about the internal workings and the ugly truths about the public school system from years of being under its nurturing and training, the young teacher that I have become was not prepared from the impact of those blows even though I’ve emotionally and mentally psyched myself about that.

This is one of the reasons perhaps why I decided to work here in Thailand, and never actually looked back for almost 2 years. Perhaps, I totally lost my faith in our country’s public school system, or maybe in our country as a whole.

But one can only stay away for too long. Weeks ago, I was blaming my recurrent grumpy moments to my claim of quarter-life crisis. For almost a month since May, I started to get alarmed with the fact that I had been thinking of having a career switch. I think for a month or more since the opening of this academic year, I had become so mechanical, both in my teaching and in forcing myself to wake up every morning. I was seriously, really seriously considering the idea of quitting.

And then, it hit me. I need to go back to the country and teach there. If I had to break walls and pave my own trail into the public school system, then I will do it. Here in Thailand, I had become just any other teacher because I don’t actually have a clear sense of purpose if why am I here. Yes, I’ve learned a lot and gained several insights and experiences which may come in handy once I go back home. But I need to bring back my sense of purpose and to remind myself why I have become a teacher in the first place. I need to be able to wake up not only for myself but for my country as well. It’s not heroism on my part, no---that’s definitely far from it. It’s but a sheer need felt by all teachers who understand that teaching is really indeed a calling. I just need to redeem my faith in our country’s educational system, in our country as a whole, in our leaders, in my own teaching---and I can only do all of those if I’ll go back home. And by that time, for good.

Happy Birthday Ma’am Templora!

As a person goes through life, he meets along the way a handful of teachers---some will guide him, some will provide him with almost everything that he needs to know, some would just watch him as he learns the truths of the world all by himself, while others would attempt to break him and everything that he believes in. Out of these teachers and mentors, are some special ones who have it within them the capacity to reach out way beyond their learners thirst for knowledge into a realm where only a few can reach. And when they do, they leave an impact---transforming these learners not only into knowledgeable individuals, but individuals whose hearts and principles are just in their proper places. 

You are such a mentor ma’am!

Thank you for the countless lessons that you have imparted to all of us, who were given the wonderful opportunity to sit in your classes.

More than the strategies and classroom management rules by the textbook, you have imposed within us the one and only rule that encompasses all the others: never go to the classroom unprepared nor give the students less than what they deserve. 

 More than your mind-boggling ----not to mention, brain-bleeding lessons :)--- in biochem and organic chemistry classes, what would probably remain within all of us when all of those textbook and scientific facts will be taken away are your lessons in life, faith, and love.


Thank you for all the lessons which will remain within each one of us for life. You have taught all of us well!

Happy Birthday Ma’am!

Hey Self! I’ve got two words for you: MOVE, NOW!

Hey Aura,

Just in case your lazy butt is unaware of it, but you have 22 days left before your Korea sojourn. If your half-awake brain cells couldn’t get it still, I am telling you to be the school ma’am that you are and take hold of that red pen, NOW!

You have piling test papers to check, a term’s worth of lesson plans to make, and miles and miles of grades to compute. So unless you want to take all of those work with you while having your picture taken at the Gyeongbukgong palace, then better start your TO DO LIST now.


Xoxo ,
Au


P.S. Sometimes, self love should be tough ---the reason for this reprimand!

And hey, this might be taken two years ago but your piling work at the moment is in every way, very much like this. 

This Definitely Gave Me Out!

When your high school adviser is actually an eight year old who is pretending to be an adult, your classroom bulletin board would look like this, somehow:

Teachers' Day 2011 Compilation of Messages

• Happy teacher's day ma'am Au-au. I hope that there can be more teachers like you. Continue to share your wisdom and talent especially to those who needed it the most.God bless the teachers!! - chal

• Thank you very much. Happy teachers' day too. Praise and thank God for the privilege to be part of your life's journey. The exercise of our freedom is always to do the Will of God knowing that His grace is sufficient to see us through life. I'm very happy of what you have become now. Keep up the good work and the struggle for there is always an end waiting for those who persevere doing what is good and right. With all the best in your teaching career...hope to visit Thailand someday...Godbless and take care. - M' Templora

• HAPPY TEACHER'S DAY TARICTIC HORNBILL!HAHA - ronald

• Happy teachers' day AU.. - ale

• Happy teacher's day! You are not only a teacher but you also serve as a mother to these kids. You are really an inspiration, Good job mam au!c: - tal2x!

• Au! Happy teacher's day! Hope you find a perfect timing on your lesson plan to tell your students how happy our friendship was! (our group to be specific) tnx au! God bless you! Continue lifting up souls. Au!!! heheheeh, tnx you! You are one of the best things I have.... keep me strong and humble because I need it, (di mu lang halata) hehehehe ginabasa basa ku gid liwat ya english mu para maabsorb ku gid sa kaluoy ka Ginuo naabsorb kugid. whahahahah. Continue what you are doing, you lift up my soul. tnx.... - leomsie

• Happy teacher's day mam au.. - jie2x

• Happy teachers day to all the amazing teachers in the world! To my teachers,Rachel Espinosa Pama, Materesa Martinez Devicais, Nescel Panes, Grace Dajay Estante, Catherine Paciente, Jesusa Amador, Nenita Lagañosa, Desiree Palomo Lobiogo thank you for sharing to us your knowledge! You are all a part of who we are right now and you are much appreciated and we are grateful for that. And to our Aura Carmela P. Ferrariz and Ferlie Joy Manejo, continue to strive to be better mentors just like our wonderful teachers who taught us not only about subjects in school but also the lessons of life!...xoxo - bessy

• Aura Carmela P. Ferrariz happy teachers day!!!!!! - jan2x

• Happy Teachers DAy Auau ... ♥ - ne aiza

• Happy teachers day good luck and god bless. - nanay

This is One of Those Days

Days like this should be celebrated,

....days when a stranger smiles  kindly at you

....days when you receive "thank you's" even for just about the simplest things

....days when you receive flowers though it's not Valentine's day

....days when you get to have a gift even though it's not Christmas nor your birthday

....days when you get letters, the real kind, from a long lost friend or from a long forgotten comrade

....and this is an affirmation that those days can definitely come!

Hi Ms. Aura,


 I read your AURAcles and I am really moved by your blogs! Sayang, you had to leave ISA, Jay really misses you and reading your blogs now made me understand (even if it's only a glimpse) why he always chose you as his favorite teacher. 

I simply loved this part---I don't have to starve for hours just to finish a decoration which will be needed in a few minute's time under the glaring heat of the sun coupled with a drizzle but it also means that I have to occasionally eat my meals alone and in silence.---which really made me shed a tear.

I also appreciate your other blog about being a kid yourself in order to teach the little ones by playing while learning with them. Keep it up, even if you're not with ISA, I am happy for you, and blessed are the kids in Thailand as you continue to touch their lives through your teaching.

God bless!

*Note:This is from a mother of a learner that I had from ISA. I was surprised to open my inbox and find this message coming from her. What deeply moved me was the idea that she took an effort to let me know her appreciation despite her busy schedule as a lawyer. And she remembered. Yes, the simple idea of remembering is a moving thought for me.

To Atty. E.L.T., thank you. In times when I can feel that my profession demands so much from me, I will surely remember this letter.

What Does Going To School Mean...

....now that I don't get to work with you Science pipz.

• It means no goofing and laughing around over "mababaw" things without being labeled as "mababaw"...haha

• It means I can go home too early everyday because we don't have to do stage decorations, bulletin boards, stage decorations, quizzes the following day, stage decorations, powerpoint presentations for the next day, stage decorations, quarter exam...and uhm, did I mention stage decorations?

• It means no more late at night dinners at Mang Inasal and Andok's.

• It means no more tactical moves to escape M' May Ann during deadlines. (M' Luwela and M' Ronella, remember?)

• It means no more MAJOR planning for supposed to be surprise birthday bashes.

• It means no more on the spur of the moment plan to eat dinner at Villa or at Salve's.

• It means no more sappy, girly-talk, crying moments which will just end up into fits of laughter.

• It means no more picture-picture day in which we really take great efforts in dressing up and planning our poses.

• It means no more of this and that and a whole lot of other things that make working in a too stressful profession (in which you have to give too much to the point of sometimes feeling at loss of your yourself), a whole lot uplifting and a bunch easier.

My life may be less stressful too less stressful  now, but it also means giving up the little pleasures like our small talks and the occasional escape from school to buy indian mango outside.

 I don't have to starve for hours just to finish a decoration which will be needed in a few minute's time under the glaring heat of the sun coupled with a drizzle but it also means that I have to occasionally eat my meals alone and in silence.

My hands are not anymore caked with dried paint and glue which would take days to be removed and my whole body is not covered with glitters, like stardusts have been strategically poured on me by some mad fairy godmother but it also means not having to work with you guys. And working with you means a great learning experience which spells F-U-N.

 I don't have to complain about an after-school meeting when I have a bunch of work to finish before midnight but it also means I won't have the pleasure to listen to M' May Ann's philosophical talks ala M' May Ann style (that means non-stop laughing in between the talk), M' Luwela's non-failing encouragements and inspirational talks about faith and LOVE and LOVE and LOVE, and M' Ronella's funny anecdotes and quirky ideas.

I did not mean to write this in a mushy-mushroom manner but forgive me, I just can't help it. This is my way of telling you: I miss working WITH YOU science pipz!!!!!=)

PS: Prepare to be hit by a rain of corns with this write-up. You've been warned. Haha....

What Teachers Make, or Objection Overruled, or If Things Don’t Work Out, You Can Always Go to Law School

I thought of sharing this article to you. You came to mind when I read it this morning..-----Macky


September 1st is Teacher’s Day. Poet Taylor Mali tells us what teachers make. -rdasia

He says the problem with teachers is, “What’s a kid going to learn from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?”

He reminds the other dinner guests that it’s true what they say about teachers: Those who can, do; those who can’t, teach.

I decide to bite my tongue instead of his and resist the temptation to remind the other dinner guests that it’s also true what they say about lawyers.

Because we’re eating, after all, and this is polite company.

“I mean, you’re a teacher, Taylor,” he says. “Be honest. What do you make?”

And I wish he hadn’t done that (asked me to be honest) because, you see, I have a policy about honesty and butt-kicking: if you ask for it, I have to let you have it.

You want to know what I make?

I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could.

I can make a C+ feel like a Congressional Medal of Honor and an A- feel like a slap in the face. How dare you waste my time with anything less than your very best?!

I make kids sit through 40 minutes of study hall in absolute silence.

No, you may not work in groups.

No, you may not ask a question.

Why won’t I let you get a drink of water? Because you’re not thirsty, you’re bored, that’s why.

I make parents tremble in fear when I call home:

I hope I haven’t called at a bad time, I just wanted to talk to you about something Billy said today.

Billy said, “Leave the kid alone. I still cry sometimes, don’t you?”

And it was the noblest act of courage I have ever seen.

I make parents see their children for who they are and what they can be.

You want to know what I make?

I make kids wonder,

I make them question.

I make them criticise.

I make them apologise and mean it.

I make them write, write, write.

And then I make them read.

I make them spell definitely beautiful, definitely beautiful, definitely beautiful

over and over and over again until they will never misspell either one of those words again.

I make them show all their work in math.

And hide it on their final drafts in English.

I make them understand that if you got this (brains)

then you followthis (heart) and if someone ever tries to judge you

by what you make, you give them this (the finger).

Let me break it down for you, so you know what I say is true:

I make a difference! What about you?

I, The Camel

After my special class with the M3 learners this afternoon, they gamely asked me to pick out a fortune card from a deck. It was some sort of a tarot that has a book of interpretation in Thai language. I picked out a card and my learner said that I should not look at at first because he is going to interpret it first.

I: You have to translate what it means in English, okay?

He immediately laughed and said, "But it's difficult teacher!" I jokingly replied that he could not go home unless he perfectly translates the meaning of the card that I picked out.

Learner: (looked at the card and I can see his great effort grasping for the right words)Teacher, you wait.

My battered mind did not immediately switch to another frequency. So thinking that it was still my science class, I immediately got confused.

I: Weight? What about you mean w-e-i-g-h-t?

Learner: No teacher! It means you have to wait. W-a-i-t.

I: I will wait. Wait for what?

Learner: Yes teacher, wait.

I: Yes, wait. But wait for what?

Learner: Wait for a long time for "mi" friend teacher. (Note: "mi" friend is the Thai term for boyfriend or girlfriend.)

I: (I laughed.) I'l wait for"mi" friend. Why? Can I see the card?

Intrigued at what the card was, I looked at it. It was a picture of a desert with a camel. He further explained that I was the camel. I couldn't help myself from laughing. In my mind: "Baw daw buhay-buhay pa ka dya hulat ko ba. Disyerto pa nga daan tabukon na. 'di bale camel man ko. Kaya mag-adapt ah, duro water reserve ko. Ha! Ha! Ha!"

I'll be No, I am waiting for somebody who is courageous and tactical enough to cross and survive the harsh desert to get to me. I'm pledging to be positive from now on. Forget about self-sacrificing, secretly hurting, one-sided, unrequited love affair. As I've said it can get so emotionally and physically draining.

So I will not be the gloomy, passive princess-in-waiting. I'll be the miss sunny-sunshine girl who actively waits, pursuing what it is that I need to do, living life to the fullest, loving my family and friends and those who need it as much as I could, and seeing life in a new light and loving it with all the passion that I can muster.

And I assure him, whoever he is, I will just be here. Properly geared and equipped for the long stretch of time. I'l definitely wait, that is what I'll do.

Loving Them With Their Wrongly Spelled Notes and All!

When I left ISA last March 2011, I also said goodbye to teaching kids, I mean really small kids probably, forever.

I can clearly imagine how I was three years ago when I was a wide-eyed, idealistic, fresh-out-of-university-life education graduate. I thought I was so prepared on shouldering the responsibilities since I slaved over studying the concepts and the theories and philosophies way back in college. But I was wrong, so wrong.

with Mikayla (the BIG TIME hugger) during the Buwan ng Wika

So imagine my horror when I was also assigned to teach Grades 1 and 2. Those little, cute, cute kids can suddenly turn into little monsters, all 25 of them or so in a classroom---complete with their tails and fangs and those tridents.

These tiny creatures can sometimes turn into little monsters inside the classroom---it's an enriching experience that all teachers must witness their transformation.

Loving them despite the heartbreak that they cause you is a great yardstick as a teacher.

So, I came up with an idea. I couldn't possibly turn them into little adults----that would be stealing their childhood from them. So, I made it the other way around. I, their teacher, became a kid again for them instead.

A solar eclipse was happening in the middle of my discussion so they had to go out to witness it for real using x-ray films as improvised viewer. It was a blast for them!

Making faces is allowed. Unleash the inner you!

They took all their games seriously during the sports fest yet it was filled with fun and  innocent competition.

Our science class is sometimes turned into playing time when games are infused with their lessons.

They can get smeared and dirty during activities. Here, we planned a fruit salad party in our lesson about mixtures!

I learned from them perhaps more than they learned from me.  So  in return, I love them all ----even with their wrongly spelled notes and all! =)

Remember the last time you flew that paper plane?

To pre-school and elementary teachers and also to HIGH SCHOOL TEACHERS WHO HAPPEN TO TEACH IN THE LOWER GRADES ON THEIR FIRST YEARS OF TEACHING. Mine is in BIG letters. =)

The steady, subtle grinding sound
of the old air-conditioning unit
was like that of the blaring of a horn
on my already overly sensitive ears.

The sound, on normal occasions
would be totally unnoticeable, but then
blame me, for it's like a repeating ancient
mantra----bringing my senses into overblown sensitivity.

It's below 20 degrees, and yet sweat, slowly glides on my brows,
trickling down to the sensitive spot in between the shoulder blades.
The discomfort only heightens, for beneath the well-manicured nails
are hands which become damper and clammier by the minute.

A smile is forced, pasted, for without that extra force, the painted lips
would be left to shiver, and the unsteady jaws would lead to
a set of chattering teeth, ready now, to impress
with the well rehearsed speech from last night's wake.

It's going to be our first day... together, so there's no room for mistakes,
ready now, let me break out the words first,
that would bare my soul to you,
one ( a second ticks), two (let there be two), and...

Puffed out that long held breath, that almost made
my nails turn blue, from lack of air (how can I even forget to breathe?)
This is the perfect time to utter those first words, and yet...
a paper plane on the loose, a cry, crayons on the floor,


The fact that it happened at that perfect moment, made me rethink about my luck.
It altogether broke my hard-earned focus,
A shout from the back, and the screech of the poor, battered armchair,
the perfect and pristine scene, now turned into shambles.

Was I suppose to keep mum? Or project that timeless stern look?
What was it again in the books? Hey, I already even forgot the principles!
Blood rush. Now, I already know what it feels.
And I wonder, I just truly wonder...

I'm boiling, my insides are stewing.
Can you even see the smoke puffing out from my nostrils and ears?
Can you even spell red? For that is the present color---scarlet red,
not only of my cheeks but of my nose as well.

I'm a living chimney, a volcano about to erupt
when out from nowhere, a toothless grin from you was like
that of a thrust of a pailful of water
on a gnawing flame.

And I wonder, was that a glimpse of a 7-year old innocence,
or a charm so cunning, that was perfected at such an early age?
If so, then I'll have to prepare for our days together ahead,
It's not going to be a smooth one, there's a battle to be waged.

For four years of burning my butts in studying the books,
Mastering the principles and rules, that's where I'm good.
I have learned several tricks, not just one or two.
I've perfected that tight upper-lip act, reserved only for sages like us.

But how am I suppose to maintain the composure?
When your world is a 180 degrees away from the way I live mine.
Your own version of a line, is not the straight one that I expect. For you say,
isn't a straight line way too boring, when a squiggly one could be more fun?

Remember, I kept on repeating, a frog is either brown or green,
but you colored yours pink!
____________ forbid, in all my anatomy and zoology courses,
no professor ever mentioned about a frog that is pink.

But how can I point at it as ignorance? When, with your
all-knowing eyes you said, that in your story books, there
are yellow, violet and even red frogs! And what fun would that be
for a princess to kiss a frog that is brown?

You know, sometimes I think it's just your astute humour,
'til I look at you and see that edgy seriousness.
I once clearly said that some plants cannot be eaten,
a very good example is a cotton plant.

But you raised, not the left nor the right, but both of those arms,
saying you know one edible cotton plant.
I squeezed my brows together, without words,
hoping mentally I can channel these words: “stop now, or forever be sorry”.

But I can't bring you to a halt, before I know it
you said: “But cotton candy. Yes, that can be eaten ma'am.”
I was about to give you a piece of my mind that would black those big brown eyes,
but I bit the words back the moment I saw the quiet determination in those very same eyes.

You always keep me on my toes, so I'm always ready in case you ask
“Why is the sky blue?” or “Is there really a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?”
But I was nailed on the floor, when you asked from out of the blue :
“But how about the babies, how are they made ma'am?”

If you were in my Bio class, I could have easily given you a detailed answer
from the moment of fertilization to the mixing of genes, till you claim “I'm having a brain freeze!”
But how will I explain it to a 7-year old kid, yet you saved me when you said,
“Oh I know now, babies are made out of love ma'am.” How can I argue any less?

I taught you honesty, I even said to speak your mind.
And there were several moments when I realized
I did not only taught you to memorize the concepts of honesty,
but to live with it day by day.

Remember when I curled my hair, and you had a first-time glimpse.
I was walking along the corridor, when you shouted,
“Oh, are you wearing a wig ma'am? You're really wearing a wig!”---I wanted to duck in a nearby table
You just spoke what's in your mind, so how can I tell you to just shut up?

Or the moment I cut my hair so short, and amidst a mob
you said: “Oh you cut your hair! You look like a gay ma'am!”
Isn't that honesty in its pure innocence?
But what's amusing to accept is that, it's at the expense of my sanity.

A lot of times I would have cried my heart in front of you,
when you can't explain a topic we've discussed a million times,
Or the moments when I already know the feeling of wishing to be swallowed by the ground,
when my lungs would run out of gas, and still you would go about in the classroom to tap dance.

I also get jaded, you can't blame me, I'm human
though sometimes you would think I am superman.
At moments like this, I would look back...
you, who brings me so much pain, are also the one who can take it back.

The day when my hands were caked with chalk dust and ink,
why, you looked at it intently, saying what beautiful hands do I have!
Then you went about, got your colored pens
and marked your hands just so we're the same.

Or the day when I got mad at you, and gave
you a piece of my mind or two
You ran to me, near to tears, declaring you're sorry
telling me, you love me just the same.

From the blind idealism, the years spent thinking that the
world can be changed and be brought to perfection,
'till you realize the fact that it's actually not the case,
that the world can take care of itself.
But it only takes a toothless grin,
or a wandering paper plane
and it's your life that would be changed
while the world perfectly stays the same.