Feb 14, 2012 (1st) Letter

Hey buddy!

I am starting a tradition today.

I have a series of letters yet to be given to you but I never wrote one exactly on Valentine's day. So, I'm writing this one in a big hope that one day, I'm going to be able to hand it to you to compensate for all the random occasions and festivities just like today, even  including the ordinary days when we weren't aware yet of our presence in each other's lives.

No matter how I settle my mind to the fact that this day isn't exactly such a big deal and for all the years of experience of doing nothing out of the ordinary on this particular day, once I see all the hustle and bustle around the moment I step outside including all the fuss about flowers and chocolates, that's the time that would make me realize that no amount of time or mental orientation could prepare me for that little pang of green-eyed wariness.

Okay, I admit it. I woke up today orienting myself that I'll be bringing my own sunshine anywhere I go despite the fact that I'm yet about to go through this day out of the context of a romantic relationship. But the incurable romantic in me had half-expectantly wished that I'll get a surprise of flowers or a note on my table right after every class that I went through today.

So, nothing exactly happened according to what I was day-dreaming or more appropriately, hallucinating about. So the day passed just like any typical day---I went to school wearing red, had my classes and made an extra effort to introduce more activities, let the kids make their valentine notes on heart-shaped papers, had stretching on the nearby train station right after class, and feasted on steak and salad with a good dose of stomach-wrenching laughter with new found friends. That would give you an idea of how boring a person I am, but since I know that you love me to the point of seeing beyond what I project, I believe that you will tell me squarely in the eyes, "I know better."

So, spud (Any other terms of endearment wouldn't suit me, trust me with that! :D), how exactly are you spending your valentine today?

I wouldn't mind if you are spending it romantically with somebody whom you deem as special in your life. It would also be okay if at this point of your life, you may still have some doubts about love and would even cringe at the idea of being bounded by it. Those possibilities, I can definitely accept, because I know for a fact that the moment our lives will intertwine, all our past beliefs and fears including all our doubts will be overshadowed by the certainty of our love.

But you know what I exactly know in my heart at the moment? I believe that despite the fact that you are still unaware of my existence, you woke up today praying that hopefully, I am existing somewhere.

I want you to know at this exact moment that you are reading this that your prayer was not put in vain. And the moment that I am writing this, I am thanking God in advance for giving exactly just the perfect man to love me unconditionally and whom I'll love back faithfully.

Yes, I have been waiting for you but my wait isn't a passive one. It's more like a preparation for me to become more of a woman that I ought to be. So everyday, I fight the battles that need to be fought, chase dreams that may seem to be elusive at first, share my sunshine to hundreds of young people, love my family and friends as much as I can, and renew my faith in love and everything that it encompasses. I'm sorry to tell you and I know that you would recognize this the moment that you see me, that although I may look frail and naive, I am definitely not a princess-in-waiting or a damsel-in-distress.

In my past letters, I have put some specific traits of what I believe that you possess. But looking back, I realize that they were more of a specification of what you ought to be. So, I'm leaving all the specifications up to God for He knows just exactly the right person who would complement me as an individual. All I know is that you are a kind but driven person and you have this deep relationship with God and with your family. All the rest, is up to Him. So at this point, please know that I am loving you, with your flaws and all.

I am definitely far from perfect and you would know that the moment you would get to know me. However, my flaws and awkwardness would even endear me to you instead. I am absentminded and scatterbrained most of the time but you would see somebody who thinks outside the box and who goes the opposite way when everyone else is following the crowd. I might seemingly appear as passive and not exactly having a domineering personality but you see it as a great manifestation of strength for you believe that it takes courage to be calm and peaceful when it's easy to burst out and rattle everyone with your raging emotions. I may appear distant and uncaring, but you know that everything is just a front and you have that unnerving sense of patience to break away the fortress one piece at a time 'till you see my heart which brims with warmth and hope. I am a clumsy bear when it comes to romantic situations that you perfectly know that I wouldn't even try to flirt with you if I had the chance, but my awkwardness is totally seducing you, that you would even at times wonder why your heart hasn't bled out all over your chest yet (Hah! :) You have to top that statement!).

You see that girl who walks a little bit faster than the normal pace of walking and at times, totally oblivious of the people around her? That would most probably be me. And the moment you recognize that it's me, please have the patience to make me realize that knowing you is worth my time (for I am poor in recognizing these kinds of stuffs).

Do you notice in movies that when the girl meets the eyes of the boy, there's this instant spark and they know instantly that they're meant for each other? That would most probably never happen to me, so please take the patience to linger for awhile and make me recognize that you are the person from my prayers.

And I spud, I assure you, is just exactly the girl from your prayers. :)

In Case that You Never Keep Tabs of These Things, I'm Reminding You of Them Now! :)

You seem to have always been one of the strongest ones among us that sometimes, while you're busy facilitating things for others, it seems that you never need anything or anyone to lean on. 

But we know better. 

So on this day, here are some of the things that I would remind you about how AWESOME a person you are! 

• You are always being open-minded when listening about our life-dilemmas,you are tolerant of our craziness,and very patient on us for being drama queens as friends.

• You are a silent but a very reliable post to lean on. 

• You're like the (not so) big sister that I never got.

• You may not be aware of this but I've learned some of the biggest lessons of humility from you.

• You seem to be so strong amidst everything that life throws on you. How do you do that?

And since it's your birthday, here is my list of wishes for you:

• ...that GOD will shower you with so much blessing that you will never know what to do with them.

• ...that you'll find that one great love that we're (secretly) hoping for and I pray that God will give you the grace to recognize it when it comes. And as an afterthought, I hope that person will fall in love with you so much, he'll never see anything else straightly. hahahaha! But then, again, that's scary so ignore that afterthought.

• ...that no matter where life will lead us to go, that you may always find your way back home---back to your family and to your old friends (That's us of course! You have no choice on that!).

We're getting older, but years definitely don't count unless you are a cheese.

HAPPY BDAY CHAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

---a big hug and a great love from Thailand, Au :)