Let This Be My November Prayer :)

Dear Father God,

The day I found out that Inday Ana peacefully embraced the rest that you have been offering for quite some time, you were the subject of my denials and questioning, of my countless "why's" and my doubts. You've seen how the whole family was crushed down, how I was personally trying to grasp for reasons not to question your existence. That was five years ago. And at that one turning point in my life, when I fully realized how fragile life is and that it can be taken away anytime at the moment you least expect it, you were a silent receiver of all my pain and you acted as my quiet comforter. You let my troubled dreams come to a still, you lulled me into sleep when I felt that my heart couldn't bear the pain no longer, you offered me some more tears to spill out just to ease my pain when I felt that my ducts have gone dry from too much crying. You patiently waited for my questions to stop resurfacing, for my doubts to be replaced by faith, for my disbelief to be changed by hope, and for my pain to be powerfully displaced by abounding love.

And true enough, gradually, the grace of acceptance and letting go was bestowed on me------that it was actually bestowed on me long before but that fact was shadowed by my raw pain. And though the years will never erase nor diminish the pain, that it never can, but what it offered instead was the solace of a dull echo of Inday Ana's absence in our hearts which is not altogether a bad feeling since it offers us the memories of her life and a constant reminder that she was here, and will always be a part of our lives.

Then just several months ago, you again called a dear family member, Inday Nancy, a trustful confidante and a loving tita/friend. And just when I thought that I was prepared for the blow, I was wrong again. I think death has that certain kind of ability to startle you with a unique kind of pain----that you actually never can be ready. no matter how many times you've seen people pass away. But I was comforted with the idea that she is at peace now by leaving her tired and battered body----that she can never again worry of her heart to beat properly or for her lungs to breathe for her, that she will no longer drag her poor blood-clotted feet and pretend that she's okay when she's wincing in pain.

Lord, despite the pain, I am actually thanking you for ironically, during those moments when I felt that you didn't exist, those were the exact moments when I felt your presence quietly comforting me. And in a way, you let me learn some of life's greatest lessons: 1. That love can encompass everything, even death. and 2. Nothing lasts forever, only your LOVING MERCY.

Your healing daughter,
Au

Inday Nancy, Inday Ana, Nene Imas, Mama Ikit, Lola Meling, Lolo Cente, Lola Oping, Lolo Aurelio, baby July, my unborn baby sister-------you are all fondly remembered. Please pray for us as we are constantly parying for you.