Day 8: Dear 2013

Dear 2013,

I have one request to you which you might find very odd.

Please don’t be tolerant or kind to me. If you must, put a strain on me, push me to my limits. I’m giving you the permission to shake me, drive me on the verge of my fears, let me hang on a very thin piece of string. You can do all that to me and I won’t complain. Well, maybe just a little (Ahahaha!).

I learned a lot of lessons in 2012. I had moments of “highs” and “aha’s”, really. And when I look back at it, I would say that 2012 was an okay year.

And that is the problem with it----2012, was just that. Okay.

I never really liked “okays” for they are too synonymous to mediocrity. I remember that there was even a time when I despised just the mere idea of it. When I was at the stage of being a raging idealist, I even vowed that I’d rather be the last on the list than being an “okay”.  No matter how I eventually mellowed down, I am still that idealistic person who believes that everything can be improved, even just a little. True, I silenced that person for quite some time now because I got tired of  the complications and having to constantly put everything on the line but when I really think about it, it’s being in action and being on the go when I feel that I’m living my life to the fullest.

Being passive and just letting life happen is comfortable and definitely easier. It was actually a whiff of fresh air being just that and I enjoyed it for quite some time, but I got bored eventually. So I’m letting the spark which I allowed to only flicker, to shine its most brightest again.

So dear 2013, don’t be kind to me. If you must, bring me to places outside my comfort zone. Introduce me to people who wouldn’t just tolerate me but would give me just the right amount of friction to soften my ragged edges. Put me in the middle of situations that would push me to think, to disregard boundaries, and to transcend expectations. If you must, let me fall in love unreasonably despite the looming possibility of getting hurt. Help me to return into that gangly kid again who still believes that she can change the world, even in just the minutest way possible.  I wouldn’t promise you that I would remain unscathed after 365 days but what I’m sure of is that I’ll be standing in the midst of the battlefield, bruised I may be, but definitely smiling that kind of smile of those who have fought a good fight.

P.S. Don’t worry too much about me. I’m made of sterner stuff than you think. If it would pacify you, I would just wave the white flag of surrender if I couldn’t really bear it, okay? *wink*