A Letter to my 16-year Old Self

Jan 20, 2014


Dear Au,

There, there. You worry and fret so much about the future, dear. You worry about the result of your calculus exam, and you worry about whether you chose the right course for college, then you worry some more about being in the university in a few more months, and then worries about what might happen to you ten years from now.

I tell you, do not worry so much because you’ll do just fine. I, your 26-year old self is doing just fine. So stop worrying about what might happen 10 years from now because this is yourself, ten years after, who is writing to you. You have to realize by now that your heart is just exactly in the right place that whatever decisions you may take in the future, you will never get lost even if you try. And, even if you do, get lost I mean, you have such an abundant support and love from family and friends to get you on track again.

Oh, by the way! By lunchtime today, you will be receiving a stuffed bear and a handwritten letter from a boy who would be claiming that he loves you and would be loving you ‘til he doesn’t know when. Don’t fret. Don’t even try to shun him away. I know you well enough dear to guess that you will definitely feel so awkward once you receive those birthday gifts. And you wouldn’t know how to sort your emotions because when it comes to the “love” department, you are such a slow study. So, you think that your best resort always is to build those impenetrable walls again and project your don’t-bother-me face.

I tell you dear, you are too young to build walls around you. A fortress would be a too lonely place for a 16-year old like you who has so much potentials and possibilities in life. Even Rapunzel longed to go down the castle. You are not built for walls or lonely castles. You were built for the open fields, and seas, and skies, and love. So, gracefully receive those birthday gifts, say a gracious “thank you”, and enjoy those unfamiliar flapping of butterfly wings in your stomach. It is too early to be certain about your future but I tell you, it may not end exactly as you carefully planned it. You will get your heart broken, that’s a certainty, and just when you thought that you are already healed, the stitches would break loosely right back again.  But you will do just fine. Believe me. We will both do just fine. Don’t worry we will both try not to get jaded when it comes to love.

Those loud high school classmates that you have? Enjoy their company while you can and make as many memories with them because years from now, when you’d feel that life will render you nothing else but monotony, those memories will save you from the edge of insanity. In a few months, you would all be going your separate ways and you would be crying to death on your graduation day but here’s a loving glimpse of the future from your 26-year old self: they will all become your lifetime friends---a big, extended family even. So, don’t be too much disheartened and don’t close hour self up to people and possible good friends in college. Meet a lot of people during your university years, be friends even with those people who are entirely different from you, learn as much as you can. For whoever you may welcome into your life, those crazy high school people whom you accidentally got stuck with (Ahahaha!) would always be a constant in your life whether you’d like it or not. You will not only share high school memories but you will all be scared for the first day in the university together. For the next four years, some of you will fall in love and then get their hearts broken, some of you will stop speaking to each other but would then eventually make up, some of you may altogether stop school to look for another path. But, what I am only certain about is that right after graduation, when you would all be unemployed and then take on your first jobs together, and take those dreaded licensure exams and pass (or fail), and then go out of the country to work and experience your first loneliest Christmas ever, you’ll do just fine. You will all do just fine.

It may not seem like it but I, among all else, know that behind that peaceful demeanor is a rebellious soul. For the next years, I have seen you prove your point and disprove that which the world offers you. Your idealism and belief in the goodness of humanity is your strength dear, although most of the time you think otherwise. Don’t make your losses and grief and heartbreaks in the coming years make you jaded and hard, dear. Never choose fear and comfort in exchange for knowing what is there to know and experience. Make the world and your life and that of others become your mentor. Remember that you have a strong support system and you would always have a place and people to go back home to.

Write a lot. Sing, even with your off-key voice. Recite poetry and prose even though you would appear weird to your neighbors. Read a lot even though you’ve experienced how it is to be banned from the school library or how nanay would tell you several times that if you open one more book, she’ll definitely burn all your collections. Go on trips and don’t be scared to be lost. Don’t hold in your pain and sadness, cry, bawl even. Live your life with such passion and a load of “quirk” such that when you turn 26, you will not have any “what if’s” and “what could have been’s”.

I tell you dear, you will grow up into one fine lady. Not perfect, not even close to it, but definitely every bit that you hope or wish to be.

Don’t grow up too fast. If it’s only possible to hug my 16-year old self back in time, I would have hugged you to death today. We’ll surely be bff’s, don’t you think?

xoxo,

26 year old Au *wink*

P.S.

Just a friendly self-reminder, right after you receive that letter and stuffed toy today, you’ll get this weird feeling in your stomach that is close to getting sick. You’ll even lose your appetite for several days and will have a loose-poopoo-movement. You’re not getting any flu, nor is it a deadly virus. I think that’s what young people your age call as the onset of love, although I, your 26-year old self is still partial about that idea. You’ll get over it for sure. Just enjoy the flutters in your stomach while it lasts. *wink ;)