The Heart Thrives

All throughout history, leaving and being left, has been laced with fancy poetry and romantic narratives--- of ladies waiting on the shore for years and of men sailing away through the storm, of old men reading in solitude in front of warm fireplaces while partly remembering distant pasts that still bring little jolts of pain in their weary hearts, and of women dreamily thinking of the what-could-have-beens had they not ran away from their first loves.

But the truth is this: there is no poetry or romantic narratives in leaving and in being left. There is no glory, no dreamy flairs. The truth is, you learn to breathe with that heaviness in your chest until your heart becomes conditioned, until it gains strength from the excercise. And, time will come when it wouldn't be too difficult to breathe, you wouldnt even remember how it felt in the first place.

Another truth is, new people will come, not necessarily to replace the ones who left, but they will definitely bring a new edge, a new angle to life. And, when that time comes, you know that whether or not they'll choose to stay or to leave, whether or not life decides for them to grow roots or to grow wings, you will always manage to go through all of it.

The whole truth is, that heart, that heart is made from fine and strong stock. With all of life's changes and inconsistencies, that heart always be more than just fine. It will thrive.

When Love Befriends Life

...just because I woke up today and realized that I write a lot about random things, but I seldom write to you. 

I am always amazed at how, seemingly random and incompatible things and events converge perfectly at a point and at a perfect time.

So, to you, Mac:

I know you secretly cringed the first time I told you that there's no such thing as destiny, that it was an absurd idea. I also know that you silently protested when you asked me if what I think about love, and I replied that it's always a decision---that for it to last, you have to make the same decision again and again every single day.

These are just some of the signs that we have so many differences, to begin with.

But the universe must have a different plan for us---a plan that transcended even the widest gap that life made sure to come in between us over the years.

Yes, life made sure, even insisted, that I cruelly glare at you when you asked for a piece of paper in our third-grade class. Life insisted that I won't have a single memory of you while you always remembered the girl who always brought an umbrella around, the same girl who selfishly refused to give you a single piece of paper. It insisted that we'd be unaware of each others existence for 16 years after that incident so that there was no slight possibility of us ever getting reconnected in whatever way. And, when life got a minimal mistake of having you found me, it immediately came in the scene and insisted that I'd still be the girl who was in her ivory tower, nursing her heart and her pride which were badly shaken, refusing for anybody,much more a stranger, to come near the fortress which she built as high and as thick as possible. Life insisted that for two years after that, we'd both live life to the fullest, love the people around us as honestly as possible and as much as we could, and grab every opportunity to grow so that we wouldn't even give a minute to think about the existence of each other. In short, life made sure that we lived miles away from each other, had no common friends, and that we lived our lives to be really out of sync when placed side by side, so that it wouldn't be possible to think even for a second that this... this would work.

But then, destiny or fate or whatever you choose to call it, took over life's manipulation. Call it whatever you want to call it, but I prefer it to be love.Love befriended life to give us even a small chance of having our lives converge at a point. And, despite the fact that life shaped us over the years such that we are two of the most mismatched and incompatible pieces in the whole puzzle, we fitted anyway, comfortable in our differences and in our slightly offbeat syncing.

Why? You may ask.

And, my belief is that, because despite life's hesitations, love made sure, even insisted, that we'd be given a chance to meet at a point when we were already the best versions of ourselves. In that case, we already know that our differences and both of our history, our pasts and what we envision the future to be, should in fact be really honored and celebrated.

And, with this, life may still do what it did if she had to do our story again, but I am confident that at this very moment, life is smiling at the both of us.

In Search for that Place of Calm

You need to find that calm.

You need to exhaust all your energy and passion and faith to find that calm where you can run into with everything that scares you as a grown up.

You deserve to have that sense of calm which makes you remember all your ideals and hope, dreams and wishes, your own goodness and beauty---essentials which you often forget just because life happens.

For whatever it's worth, you need to have that calm which makes you remember that the hustle and bustle around you are not reflections of who you are, that they don't have the capacity to disturb your soul without your permission.

You need to find that calm which makes you feel that deep down, your soul is truly at peace not because you are in control but because
Someone up there is magnificently greater than all your fears and imperfections put together.

It doesn't matter if it's a person, or a place, or a certain time. It may be a familiar scent, or a blanket you have since you were little, or a moment of silence. It doesn't really matter if it's in the gaze of your one great love or in the gaze of your own self in the mirror, staring back at you with all the strength and happiness that you can muster. I tell you, it doesn't really matter. Find your calm.

Birthday Climb

For quite a long time, I thought that no place could still surprise me. I was wrong.

This is one of the most beautiful places that I've seen, so far. Hands down, case closed.

I was dead-scared while doing the buwis-buhay acrobatics just to reach the top of the rock that I had to shout at one point to feign courage, "Indi ko bala pag-istoryaha.", when Mac asked me several times while I was trying not to loose my footing and grip, "Kaya mo, siguraduha ha."

I will never do it again even if I'm asked to, or advice anyone to climb that rock without the necessary gears and protection, that's for sure. Heck, I've never even experienced to rock climb in my entire life, until that moment. But as an adage goes, "You have to risk a little to get a glimpse of a piece of beauty."

Thank you for the wonderful people who shared the pains of the 8-hour hike and the beauty of the summit of Mt. Napulak with me.

Thank you Jaime Charl Esquilarga, our guide, for being so patient with us all throughout. You will surely have more mountains to scale!

Thank you, dear God, for making this earth and this life, beyond any understanding, truly beautiful.

Mt. Napulak (Cogon Trail)

This was my most favorite part of the hike.

It took us almost 3 hours to reach the peak using this trail because we had to be extra careful---one miscalculation in our steps would definitely result to the worst possible scenario.

The almost 75° slope of this part of Napulak, with nothing but the cruel blades of the cogon grasses to grasp so as to prevent ourselves from loosing our footing, was definitely picturesque but was also dangerous for we had to walk on a trail with a width of only about 2 handspans.On one side, or at times, both sides, were actually cliffs, disguised as rolling plains, due to the lushness of the grasses.

There were moments when we had to shout just to release the tension and the nerves whenever we look down and realize the height that we've reached and the picture of what might happen if we do not focus on putting our weight on the right place and firmly grasping the cogon blades.

It was actually amusing because at a distance, the grasses looked like mosses creeping on the sides of the mountain, when actually, they were actually taller than us. If  it wasn't a buwis-buhay hike, I would have giddily sang the Sound of Music  soundtrack because the scene was just screaming for it. Paki-play na lang ng, "The hills are alive with the sound of music...." on the background while scrolling through the photos. ;)

Mt. Napulak (Open Trail and Forest Hike)

It was probably the longest 6 hours of my life.

While we were traipsing the open trail under the scorching heat of the sun, I kept on silently reprimanding myself for asking everyone to do the Napulak hike and camp.

The heat was unbearable. My knees weren't conditioned for long walks, much more, in the mountains. The towering height of the mountain from a distance wasn't hope-inducing, add to that the fact that it wasn't even yet the mountain that we had to scale---Napulak is located at the back of that mountain which was in front of us. It was a daunting task, it silently dawned on us.

A big number of people who conquered Napulak were either enthusiasts or pros. We were neither. Heck, I even catch my breath just from climbing a few flights of stairs.

The hike from 8:00 am-2:00 pm to the last water source before arriving at another trail was really a test of endurance and willpower. We had to keep pushing ourselves. Every step became heavier as time ticked. There were even moments when we asked each other, "Remind me, why are we doing this again?" Our guide, probably almost to the point of being fed up, answered at one point, "The most difficult roads lead to beautiful destinations."

I smirked when I heard that cliche. I have always been partial with cliches.

Little did I know, little did we know, in a few while, we'd agree with his statement.