I Think You're Just Afraid of Heights

And I'm writing this knowing that you'll never get to read this. And this might also be the big reason why I'm writing it here. 




You came at the point when I'm in the intersection of saying goodbye to my doubts forever and into embracing the courage to finally take the the risk, the big leap.

You gave me a lot of my "firsts"----having somebody who listened, really listened and then ask for some more; smiling uninhibitedly without painfully pretending to be so mum about the emotions that you stir in me; I, asking questions that I normally ask to rest; I, expectantly waiting which I normally not do.

I even had to cross out one of the items in my list of wishes because you, unknowingly granted it to me: for somebody to find the courage to step into my comfort zone and my home and to talk to me, talk to me and let me know that you wanted to be welcomed despite your insecurities and seeming doubts.

The moment you admitted that I'm your preschool crush while you sheepishly smiled, that was sweet. Amusing even, that I really mustered all my strength not to laugh hysterically at your fond expression.

And that was that.

As any mushy, feel-good, sappy movies go---you left without even a single warning that you have to.

Was it because you  found out that you have to climb an ivory tower first? I can't help me being there. But don't you know that it is all an unconscious front to be able to bear with my waiting. That was the part that you weren't able to unravel.

So for the moment, I'll just enjoy the view here on top. I'll just wait 'til the time when somebody will pass, somebody who would be courageous enough to climb the ivory tower, minus the long golden hair. I don't know how he'll do that. He must have to be that tactical.

Plus, I am certain that not everyone is afraid of heights.=)