Relationship Status: Single------Now, So What?

....and if the facebook administrators would one day, out of whim, add "single, since birth" status, that would definitely be fine to me. And for anybody's curious mind, I might definitely opt to click that status in my profile, not for everyone to see (which would definitely bring some smirk and amusing reaction to others), but because it's a basic fact.

Actually, this particular thing is no big deal to me. It never was and it never is. And I would like to think that it never will be.

 However, there are just some days when it gets into my nerves when people would ask, "So do you have a boyfriend?" and I would reply, "No." and then I get these shocked expressions as if what they heard is an extremely unusual thing that they've never found out (just now) in their entire life. Much more, when they prod further and I would add, "That's since birth.", they give me this certain kind of look as if I'm an alien who just landed right in front of them or worse, a mutant who is trying hard to live a life of the normal people, whatever normal means.

Come to think of it. At my current age (23, that is) in which the trending topics of almost everyone that I know of are engagement, marriage, having a kid----here I am living a life of being single. So I have to admit it that these trending topics have become the norm and I and my current status have become the exception. To get the idea of how this norm is affecting even the state of mind of kids, here's a classroom incident last year with my grade 2 learner:

Ericka: Ma'am Aura, how old are you?
I: I'm 22.
Ericka: Do you have a husband and a kid?
I: No. Do I look like I have a husband and a kid?
Ericka: (shakes her head, then thinks deeply) How about a boyfriend?
I: (I laughed at this point.) No.
Ericka: Oh! So that means you are (whispers to me as if what she's about to tell me is a highly classified information) L---A----O----N.
I: (loading...........hahaha) What do you mean, elayoh? What was your word?
Ericka: No it's not a word. I was spelling the letters out. It means you're (whispers again) laon.

How can I have the heart to get mad on an 8-year old kid for being so blunt? And how can I explain it to her that it's not a big deal when all she sees around is different from what her teacher would tell her?

This present status normalcy is gaining such attention among people my age that just about a month ago, I changed my facebook relationship status from single to in a relationship (Oh, I changed it back to the original status, by the way.). Call me hypocrite when I said that this particular thing does not bother me, but here's the case. I did not change it just to be labeled as "in". I'm way past that stage when I have to feel that I should belong. I changed it for the simple fact that I don't want to answer so many questions anymore when college friends or some acquaintances or even distant relatives would ask me regarding this matter.  If you want to get the idea, here is a sample flow of conversation upon seeing the single status in my fb account. It's almost always the same case.

Them: Teh au, may nobyo ka na?
Me: Wala pa guid.
Them: Tuod bala?
Me: Tuod man.
Them: Teh gapangaluyag?
Me: Waay man.
Them: Sus, daw indi mapatihan.
Me: Anhon ko bi? Alangan mamutong ako ka lalaki sa dalan hay.
Them: Hay pisli-an ka guro.
(In my mind: Ayteh, nagla-in pa.)
Me: Indi man ah. Ma-abot lang daa ah.
Them: San-o pa? Insa ano napangita mo sa lalaki haw?
Me: Waay man ah. Ma-abot lang guid daa. (Couldn't they get it that I'm already trying to drop the subject?)
Them: Ay manugla-on timu guro.
Me: Baw indi man. Bata pa ko gani.
Them: Ayteh san-o pa timo mangita? (If you notice, this is the second time they ask this question.)

......worse, if they would ask.

Them: Teh, 'tong si ano bala, ano natabo 'to?


What would be worse is that sometimes, this conversation would seem to go on and would leave me drained, thinking to myself that maybe, just maybe, what they think is right.

However, when I changed my status to in a relationship, some acquaintances have tried chatting with me and here's the flow of the conversation:

Them: Ay may nobyo ka dun gali Au?
Me: Huo ah.
Them: Sin-o?
Me: Indi mo kilala ah. I'll let you know.
Them: O ti sige ha. Ipakilala mo ha?
Me: Okay ah.
Them: I'm happy for you Au. -----END OF CONVERSATION---- Yehey!


See the difference? That's the idea. People would let you off the hook once they find out that you are into normalcy. But once you are a bit strange or different from the trend, they would keep on rubbing salt to the area 'till they leave you raw and aching in different points of your system. I am not bitter, okay? I'm just making a point here.

What's so wrong about being single at 23? It has its own perks and my other single friends are well aware of that (I'll not be mentioning names here just in case they ask, "Are you referring to me?". In that case, it would be easy to think of an alibi because there are no names being mentioned. Hahaha.).

 I am actually enjoying being single to the point of sometimes being unaware of that fact. I can decide in a spur-of-the-moment to go somewhere with only my parents to ask permission to, I can do anything to my hair in a moment's whim without worrying that somebody might think that I look better in a longer hair (I know some girls who still ask permission from their boyfriends whenever they want their hair cut short. Duh, it's still my own hair, just so you know.), I don't have to push myself (yet) to have an interest in sports....the list continues. But that's beside the point.

What I really want to point out here is that other people should develop more sensitivity and breadth of understanding. We accept the fact that other people are actually into a relationship with no questions asked on our part and definitely no raising of eyebrows. Shouldn't it also be the case with us?


When we say that we are actually enjoying our life at the moment, please don't think that we are lying or just making a front----understand that life cannot only be enjoyed in the context of a relationship. Never ever tell us to "Get a life!". I have seen countless of women who have forgotten how to live their own lives 'coz they're too busy making life possible for their significant others. Please don't think that we are cold or aloof or worse, label us as "ice queens". Just so you remember, we are not less of a lady that you are, just because we have not been into any kinds of romantic relationships. Yes, we also cry at every mushy romantic movies, we also blush when somebody we like smiles back at us, we scream like there's no tomorrow when we get kilig, we also look fondly and longingly at people who seem to be so in love, and there are moments when just before we sleep, we think of somebody and fervently pray to God to let him come into his senses already. See? We're no different. The only thin line that separates us is that you are already in a relationship and we will be in a relationship, in time.

"So why are you not in a relationship?", you may ask. Let me answer this question for all the singles girls out there once and for all. This is definitely a painful process of baring our soul, but it has to be done at one point. There are countless of reasons. Because some of us are actually scared, admittedly. But isn't it that it should take just the right kind of man to erase all the fears and doubts? Because some of us have some important priorities to settle first. But isn't it that the right kind of man can in fact wait? Because some of us don't actually know how to flirt or to send a signal to somebody who like us that we also like them too and some of us actually don't know how to deal with these kinds of emotions. But isn't it that the right kind of man could read in between the lines, could actually see behind the aloof projection and would have the patience to actually teach us how to deal with it? Because some of us have actually high standards and expectations. But isn't it that it takes the right kind of man as to not get intimidated by these standards and much more, change the standard for them to fit in? 

And now you may smirk and think, "Oh, that's too old-fashioned and corny. I will not be surprised if you'll end up being an old maid." What's wrong with being old-fashioned and corny? Isn't it that the great love stories in history are old fashioned and corny? But just so you know, our minds are not in the clouds all the time. We are actually realistic. We know for a fact that we cannot be in a relationship with a list of standards and expectations. If we are going to single it down to one, it will all boil down to the fact, that what makes us different is that our time to be in a relationship has not yet come, so we must muster all the patience that we can have, to wait and not push ourselves to rush into any relationships just to say that we are actually in a relationship. Lucky for those who have theirs already, no questions about that. But in our case, it's yet to come.

And when that time finally comes, we are actually secretly praying for us to be given the wisdom to recognize the moment and enough courage to forget our doubts and fears and just delve in, delve in with no inhibitions and with nothing else but faith----faith in the power of love that had been so elusive for so long, but is finally just at hand.

So now, I am enjoying this stage in my life, living it as positively as I can without sulking that others are happily into a relationship while in my case, I'll be attending parties alone, shopping alone, have a midnight snack alone, and watching movies with a set of friends instead. I don't have any fears that I'll actually end up being single. Let me worry about that in the future. For now, there is a strong feeling in my heart that he will come----and it's like a prayer that I know God does not have the heart to deny. :)



Afterthought: And just in case, I'll end up being actually single (which I doubt, hahaha------positive, okay?), I promised myself to be the coolest spinster alive. :)