Tonight I can Write by Pablo Neruda

Very well said Mr. Neruda. How can you get into my mind and delve into my heart, coming out with just the exact words? How can you do that, huh?

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example, ‘The night is starry
and the stars are blue and shiver in the distance.’

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is starry and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight tries to find her as though to bring her closer.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that’s certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another’s. She will be another’s. As she was before my kisses.
Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that’s certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.

How's Your Tea Party, 'day?

Lord, are you also there in the tea party?

Will you please, just whisper to Inday Ana that she's being remembered here today?

...that she'll always be.

Thank you.

Enjoy the celebration!

If You Forget Me by Pablo Neruda

...and after reading the I Do Not Love You, it should be followed by this. 

I want you to know

one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

I Like for You to Be Still by Pablo Neruda

I like for you to be still
It is as though you are absent
And you hear me from far away
And my voice does not touch you
It seems as though your eyes had flown away
And it seems that a kiss had sealed your mouth
As all things are filled with my soul
You emerge from the things
Filled with my soul
You are like my soul
A butterfly of dream
And you are like the word: Melancholy

I like for you to be still
And you seem far away
It sounds as though you are lamenting
A butterfly cooing like a dove
And you hear me from far away
And my voice does not reach you
Let me come to be still in your silence
And let me talk to you with your silence
That is bright as a lamp
Simple, as a ring
You are like the night
With its stillness and constellations
Your silence is that of a star
As remote and candid

I like for you to be still
It is as though you are absent
Distant and full of sorrow
So you would’ve died
One word then,
One smile is enough
And I’m happy;
Happy that it’s not true.

I Do Not Love You by Pablo Neruda

One day, somebody will read to me this poem, promise. =)

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to you love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without know how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

The Muse This Time by R. Zamora Linmark

What do you take me for? Dial-a-poet? This line sent me smiling. Yes, what do you really take me for? Now, I'm missing my *ex-muse.......=)

I am, at the moment, a patron of the meat market. Profession: a poet on-call because poetry only comes when it wants to; hobbies; listening to Gershwin while looking for Freud in Woody Allen movies; history of the heart: six lovers who wanted to be immortalized.

“Funny,” said my fourth, “you can cook up a poem about bumper-to-bumper traffic, but when it’s time to write about me…” How do you explain to someone who makes you come thrice a week and gives you head and foot massage at bedtime why it is much easier to write about gridlock in the land of diesel than return to that humid night in Makati, where we had met, in a Korean-owned steam room, a misnomer since lust provided the heat.

The fifth and sixth were more demanding. “Screw the acknowledgment page,” said the fifth. “I want a biography that sings,” said the sixth. Completely unaware they were making the same request an hour apart from each other, I told them, “What do you take me for? a mail-order poet? Dial-a-poem?”

“I don’t get it,” said the third. “You can create beauty from a dead fish,” said the second. “Destroy buildings in one line,” said the first, “but you cannot write about the good ole devil?”

Their words are stinging now as I approach twilight. Truth is: love’s hard to live with. I forget to set the alarm clock, I buy everything on credit, I start making up words, I call in sick to the world. “Are you a poet?” asked the second. “A lover?” asked the third. “Just shut up and write,” said the first.

I can’t. Nothing is entering. Except the voice of my first lover, the one who set the picture straight. “The problem with you is you think you’re Woody Allen in Manhattan.”

Gershwin’s blue clarinet, black-and-white Big Apple, an ice cream parlor. At the counter, Woody is buying Hemingway’s daughter, Mariel, a milkshake before he delivers the bad news. Tears coursing down her cheeks, she asks, “Why? Because I’m too young? Because I don’t know Rita Hayworth from Veronica Lake? Because I’m not Diane Keaton running with you in the rain?” They split, then a minute before the credits roll, he changes his mind. “I’ll take you back,” Mariel says, “when I return from London.”

That’s the closest to my idea of love: watching the skyline, making out, making mistakes, making believe desire means it’s with somebody else, then breaking up, and, if we’re lucky, forgiveness that comes right before take-off. There, I’ve said it. What more can one want? A lover who loves me as much as the rain. Rain, and, from the opening credits to the closing heart, Gershwin.

"I'll die for you"

...and this will definitely be my reply,

"I don't want you to die for me. I want you to live for me."

Reclamation by Angelo V. Suarez

I was knocked straight into my guts by this poem. I think I'm in love with him (Angelo) na, swear!!! Ah, such imagery, it's giving me goosebumps!

“What sphinx of cement and aluminum
                 bashed open their skull and ate up
                 their brains and imagination?”
                                                 –Allen Ginsberg, from Howl 

you do not own me
              you do not own me
                            coconut country whose blood is concrete
whose eyes are replete with the sight of cement
              twin eyelids of corrugated roof
                            whose skin is corrugated roof
scalp of corrugated roof whose hairs
              are filaments of cement
                            whose nose sniffs cement
& the scent of we concrete
              whose nape is replete with tenement homes
                            dreaming dollars    disneyland    daisies
dreaming gold mines in america
              dreaming America where our people
                            are cardboard heroes refilling gas tanks
are heroes dying of starvation & shame
              of watching their children become children
                            of domestic helpers    domestic heroes
heroes that dry-clean american coats
              that man limousines    heroes that feed dying americans
                            their last dying meals osterized like gerber
changing their adult diapers
              babies whose tongues
                            are tongues of cement
are tongues of steel
              you do not own me
                            you do not own me
coconut country whose tv’s are owned by america
              whose streets are paved with the golden feathers
                            of america’s favorite primetime bird
(what giant fists for eyes they have
              he & his imaginary elephant friend)
                            coconut country whose semen is cement
you have been robbed of your legends
              what happened to humadapnon    gaki
                            labaw donggon   the pagan warriors
whose coconut fists socked the eyes
              out of demon sockets
                            fists that knocked the living daylights
out of demons   out of natives
              out of the imaginations of natives
                            whose lands were tilled by their own flaming hands
whose lands were walked upon
              by bathala himself
                            you   America   whose hand   whose throat
whose stomach is filled with the sap of my country
              whose eyes are eyes that see
                            the pornography of my country
whose hands are hands are the hands
              that milk my country of its semen & imagination
                            you   America   whose mouth has mesmerized
our men with myths of better lives
              better planes & better tanks
                            you whose tales have replaced our tales
with tales of your own
              you who own our hotdogs   our hamburgers
                            you who own our tv’s & souls
bring us back our bamboo   our children
              bring us back our money   our coconuts
                            bring us back our coconuts
and brown-skinned lumawig
              will spare you your convenient caucasian lives
                            you do not own me
you do not own me
              coconut country whose heart
                            is the size of an American fist
for centuries I had owned you
              and I will get you   get you
                            and I will get you back

Panaghoy ng Isang Anak Na Nasa Kabilang Ibayo Nang Manalanta Si Pedring

Dahil hindi pa tuluyang naghilom ang 'yong mga sugat, ngunit heto na naman....

Kumusta ka na inang 'pinas?
Dinig na dinig ko mula dito sa kabilang ibayo
ang iyong pagkagulantang nang bigla kang dinalaw
ulit ng isa na namang nagsusungit na tagapag-singil


Subalit sa pagkakataong ito, hindi na si Frank o si Ondoy
Siguro ay napagod na ang dalawa sa pag-usig sa 'yo
nang 'di mo sila nabayaran kaagad-agad sa ilang 'di
mabilang na pagkaka-utang sa kanila ng 'yong mga anak


Ilang puno ng nara at akasya na din ba ang hiniram, pinagkakita-an
 na at lahat ngunit 'di pa rin naibalik ang kapital sa dapat na pagbayaran?
O 'di kaya ay ang pagpapakasasa sa mga ilog at kadagatan na animo'y
isang malaking party ground tapos ay nanlilimahid pa na iiwan?


Kaya sa pagkakataong ito, iba na man ang pinadala
si Pedring, bagong delivery boy at messenger , at kagaya ng mga nauna,
napagod din siya sa pagsuyo at sa pakiusap na siya'y bayaran na ng
maluwag sa loob at nang siya'y mapayapa nang dumaan at umalis kaagad


Ngunit gaya ng dati, ano bang mai-aalok mo sa kaniya inang 'pinas?
Ano kaya ang maipambabayad mo sa gabundok na pagkakautang
ng iyong mga anak kung sa nagdaang pagpapasakit at pagkakastigo sa 'yo
ay lugmok ka pa at ang 'yong mga pasa ay nangingitim pa?


Hindi mo na makaya, alam ko inang 'pinas, ngunit pilit mong iniinda.
Ngunit 'di kagaya ng mga nagdaang pagkakataon ng ika'y malakas pa, ngayon ay
hinang-hina ka na kaya hindi mo na lubusang maisangga ang 'yong buong katawan,
kaya inabot ng galit ni Pedring pati ang 'yong mga anak na pilit mo sanang ipinagtatanggol.


Ilan kaya sa kanila ang giniginaw ngayon, walang makain at walang masilungan?
Ilan kaya sa kanila ngayon ang magpapalipas ng gabi sa taas ng bubungan?
Ilan kaya sa kanila ngayon ang pilit na maiidlip at nang makalimutan ang pitong
buhay, pitong anak, na sapilitang kinuha mula sa 'yo ni Pedring bilang pambayad utang?


Kaya ako na isa mo ding anak, nakatanaw lamang mula dito sa kabilang ibayo
habang patuloy na nananalanta ang isa na namang maniningil ay lubos na nananaghoy,
dahil wala ako upang dumamay sa muli mong pagkakasadlak at ang tangi kong mai-aalay
ay panalangin na sana, dumating ang araw na maghilom din ang lahat ng iyong mga sugat,
at mapatawad mo ang iyong sarili sa  ilang buhay ng 'yong mga anak na ipinambayad utang.

.
*Photo courtesy of yahoo.com.ph

LSS for today

"Ikaw ang alaala na maganda ang mundo."-----Dong Abay

It's Going To Be My Pink Pyjamas Tonight

I'm a little bit lonely,

and on the verge of being too nostalgic

I'm a little bit crappy,

and a whole lot aching for home

I'm beat,

and probably too dead-tired

I'm putting on a brave face,

and on my heart is a faint echo, just a faint echo

I drank two cups of warm tea,

and my senses won't just calm

I'm 23 years old (imagine that!),

but tonight it's going to be my "cry myself to sleep" scene,

aching so much for my mother's lulling me to sleep,

which I definitely couldn't have

So it's surely

going to be my pink pyjamas

tonight

What Does Going To School Mean...

....now that I don't get to work with you Science pipz.

• It means no goofing and laughing around over "mababaw" things without being labeled as "mababaw"...haha

• It means I can go home too early everyday because we don't have to do stage decorations, bulletin boards, stage decorations, quizzes the following day, stage decorations, powerpoint presentations for the next day, stage decorations, quarter exam...and uhm, did I mention stage decorations?

• It means no more late at night dinners at Mang Inasal and Andok's.

• It means no more tactical moves to escape M' May Ann during deadlines. (M' Luwela and M' Ronella, remember?)

• It means no more MAJOR planning for supposed to be surprise birthday bashes.

• It means no more on the spur of the moment plan to eat dinner at Villa or at Salve's.

• It means no more sappy, girly-talk, crying moments which will just end up into fits of laughter.

• It means no more picture-picture day in which we really take great efforts in dressing up and planning our poses.

• It means no more of this and that and a whole lot of other things that make working in a too stressful profession (in which you have to give too much to the point of sometimes feeling at loss of your yourself), a whole lot uplifting and a bunch easier.

My life may be less stressful too less stressful  now, but it also means giving up the little pleasures like our small talks and the occasional escape from school to buy indian mango outside.

 I don't have to starve for hours just to finish a decoration which will be needed in a few minute's time under the glaring heat of the sun coupled with a drizzle but it also means that I have to occasionally eat my meals alone and in silence.

My hands are not anymore caked with dried paint and glue which would take days to be removed and my whole body is not covered with glitters, like stardusts have been strategically poured on me by some mad fairy godmother but it also means not having to work with you guys. And working with you means a great learning experience which spells F-U-N.

 I don't have to complain about an after-school meeting when I have a bunch of work to finish before midnight but it also means I won't have the pleasure to listen to M' May Ann's philosophical talks ala M' May Ann style (that means non-stop laughing in between the talk), M' Luwela's non-failing encouragements and inspirational talks about faith and LOVE and LOVE and LOVE, and M' Ronella's funny anecdotes and quirky ideas.

I did not mean to write this in a mushy-mushroom manner but forgive me, I just can't help it. This is my way of telling you: I miss working WITH YOU science pipz!!!!!=)

PS: Prepare to be hit by a rain of corns with this write-up. You've been warned. Haha....

Wat Phra Kaew Don Tao

This temple is considered as the most important temple in Lampang for it housed for 32 years the Emerald Buddha, the national symbol of Thailand which is now inside the Bangkok Grand Palace.

There is an interesting story that when the Emerald Buddha was discovered in the chedi of a temple in Chiang Rai when a lightning struck it, the king of Chiang Mai sent some troops to transfer the image to Chiang Mai. However, the elephant was said to refuse the to take the road going to Chiang Mai, thus, the image stayed in Lampang for many years.

Let the photos below speak of the rich history of the temple.

This is one of the several chapels found around the main temple. This chapel houses the image of the "old buddha"

                          The impressive chedi of the main temple is gilded with
                   bronze tiles and placed on top of a rectangular white-washed base.
                     Beside the main temple is a multi-tiered Burmese style chapel.

This is one of the chapels around the main temple. But at the moment, it doesn't house any Buddha image.

One of the interesting Buddha images around the temple, and the one that we're more familiar with....

I find this image of the reclining Buddha intimate, poetic and too beautiful (Forgive me, I don't even know if these are appropriate words but I couldn't resist using these adjectives.). This particular Buddha image made a great impact and appeal to me----for it made the Buddha more real, sharing the same act as humanly and as mortal as sleeping.

This is the main entrance to the temple.

The entrance to the main temple is lined with sculptures of dragons, evidence of the influence of the Chinese culture.

Forgive the too 80's concept but I just couldn't resist performing the "Kamehame Wave" beside this big dragon!

Kay Man

...Kay man may mga dalan nga makapahanumdum sa akon
sang mga adlaw nga nagalakat  kita sa idalom sang kati-al
sang init sa udtong adlaw, pero daw wala ka lang kabatyag
sang kagin-ot ukon sang pagtulo sang imo balhas kay man ang
imo paminsaron ara sa imo kamot nga hugot nga naga-kapot
sa akon, kag sang akon buhok nga ginahampas
sang mainit nga dapya sang hangin padulong sa imo nga abaga

...Kay man may mga tanom nga  nagapahanumdum
man sa akon sa kun paano ang imo mga kamot hugot nga
naga-kapot sa pisaw agud bungkalon ang lupa sa palibot
sang ugat kay siling mo pa, "para makaginhawa man ang mga tanom",
kag kun paano, ang ini man nga mga matig-a nga palad, nga ginpatig-a sang
pagtipig mo sa imo mga bonsai, cactus kag orchids
amat-amat kag mahinay nga nagapikpik sa akon kapoy
nga tiil 'asta ako makatulog sing mahamuok

...Kay man may mga hinugyaw sang mga bata nga
daw nagapanawag sa akon nga magbalikid kay daw ginahambal
sang akon paminsaron nga daw imo guid nga tingug ang akon nabati-an,
daw imo nga tingug nga nagakadlaw upod sa akon kag
nagapanghagad nga "lakat ta bala day, updi ko 'to ay"
kag kun paano nga ang baho sang nagsamo nga init kag balhas
nagpabalik sa akon paminsaron sa mga sirum nga
nagapa-uli ka sa balay halin sa taguri mo nga paghampang sa bangi

...Kay man ang kahumot sang mga ginabaligya nga streetfoods
sa kilid sang Chatchai Road, ang alagyan pakadto sa amon apartment
nagapahanumdum sa akon sang mga hapon nga naga-tambay kita
sa kilid sang plasa kag naga-pamasaw sang fishballs kag kikiam
nga may kaupod pa nga coke kag pagkatapos sina, masalakit
ang aton tiyan kag indi kita kabalo kun tungod ini sa sobra nga kabusog
ukon sa sobra nga hangin sa wala pugong-pugong naton nga pagkinadlaw

...Kay man kun kaisa gakalipat ako nga malayo gali ako sa balay

...Kay man may mga tini-on nga indi ko mapinsaran nga sa abroad gali ako

...Kay man tungod sang kamatuoran nga gakalipat ako nga naga-isahanon ako,
 malayo, sa abroad, may mga tini-on nga makibot na lang ako
 kun magsulod sa paminsaron ko nga
"San-o na 'to siya mapuli diri halin Bacolod man?",
 "Ipahilot ko ayhan ang kapoy ko nga tiil kay nanay?",
"Ay daw tingug man 'to sang utod ko",
"Hala, kahamot sang ginbaligya ni manong o, kaso wala na ko upod magkaon",


...kay man sa pirmi ko nga pagkalipat
kun kaisa gasulod na lang sa paminsaron ko ang ini nga mga tinaga,
Maka-abot ayhan ako balik sa balay,
kun lakton ko lang 'ni?

Tour Me Around, Will You?

This is my most favorite photo of Lampang at the moment. Whatever is captured in here summarizes Lampang's totality. Let the picture tell you about it.

*In the photo is a horse-drawn carriage. This form of transportation still dominates the streets of the city.

"Stargazing" at ELJ Compound

Plano ko tani, isulat ang detailed account sang "meeting the stars" namon nga experience. Pero sang na-umpisahan ko na sang sulat, na-realize ko nga daw libagon kun gamiton ko ang English, considering sang topic.

Ari na lang ang mga pictures kag mga pahapyaw nga captions instead sang detalyado nga English write-up.

• ANG WALA NA-PLANUHAN NGA TAMBAY SA GUWA SANG ABS-CBN

Pila man ka minuto ang bina-isay kun sa diin kami makadto. Mag-suggest gani ang isa, siyempre indi madula nga may ma-reklamo. Ambot kun sin-o ang nag-lahog, kay indi ko na madumduman, nga makadto na lang kami sa ABS-CBN para mag-pamantay sang mga artista. Kay wala na guid kami sang may mapinsaran nga kadtu-an,   nagpasugot na lang ang tanan biskan daw naham-ut man kami sang ideya nga mag-pamantay kami sang mga artista.

Samtang masako kami ni Leomel sang pa-picture sa atubang sang "Bahay ni Kuya", gulpi ko na lang nabati-an si Fatty nga nagsinggit halin sa tabok sang dalan nga, "Ay si Coco!". Abi ko galahog man lang siya, so wala pa namon siya gin-sapak. Pero nakit-an ko nga nagpanaw palayo sa amon si Fatty pakadto sa isa ka van nga naka-park sa unhan lang guid namon. Nakit-an ko nga may babaye nga nagatindog sa atubang sang nakabukas nga van kag may gina-istorya siya sa sulod. Sige ang lakat ni Fatty palapit, kag may nabatyagan na kami nga tuod ang ginsinggit niya. So, nagsunod kami sa iya kag guess what.....

Sa sobra nga pag-palpitate sang dughan ko, wala na ko kadumdum kun sin-o ang naghambal sa amon nga, "Ay hala si Coco guid man hu!". Daw gulpi lang nagpalanig-a ang akon tiil, OA man pamati-an pero tuod ni 'ya. Sin-o bala ang indi mag amo sadto kun sa atubang mo ang super crush mo, tapos artista pa? Ang kaladlawan pa kay wala ni isa man sa amon ang gulpi naka-recover sa initial schock. Daw pelikula guid ya nga wala sing may naghambal maskin isa sa amon for several seconds kag naka-tunganga pa kami tanan sa iya. Ang mas kaladlawan pa, naka-himasmas kami sang nagsiling ang PA ni Coco, "Gusto niyong magpa-picture? Akin na ang camera niyo." As in, siya pa 'ya ang nag-suggest nga mapa-picture kami! Tapos sang photo opportunity with Coco, nakibot guid ko 'ya sang gulpi nagsiling si Fatty Sheryl , "Coco, puwede pa-hug?". Ako, nga wala pa  fully naka-recover sa pagka-starstruck nakapanumdum, "Pwede gali buhaton ina?"...haha, kaladlawan guid 'ya. Dasun nabati-an ko pa guid si Sheryl Fatty nga nagsiling, "Coco, ako din, puwede?". Sang nakit-an ko nga nagkupo si Sheryl Fatty, feeling ko daw ka surreal sang moment nga ato , kag bag-o pa maka-balik sa full-alertness ang alarm system ko kag makahambal nga "Ako din Coco.", nakita ko na lang nga gapalayo na ang van nga ginsakyan nila. Baw, ambot na lang. Kanugon gd 'ya! As in. Wala niyo abi ko gin-orient nga pwede gali ka request sang hug, haha! Kaladlawan guid 'ya. Bahala na kun sin-o makabasa 'ni ah! Ano karon? haha!


*Note: Pasensiya sa sala nga mga detalye kay tam-an ka marilipaton ang naga-sulat sang captions. Kag gusto pa gali idugang ni Sheryl nga siya man, nag-palpitate sang gin-hug siya ni Coco, sobra pa kuno sa pag-palpitate niya kun may ara sila demo. Amo lang na. Kon may ara pa gali kamu gusto idugang  kag i-edit kay sala ang mga detalye ko diri, lihog paki-post na para tingub ang pag-obra. okay?...haha!

Nalipat ko sang ngalan sang artista nga ini pero kun indi ako mag-sala, daw sa PBB ni siya sang una. Si Leomel, nahuya pa magpa-picture nga isa lang siya pero, gusto niya guid tani. Wala untat hutik niya nga gusto niya tani magpa-picture asta nga si Fatty na lang ang nagpamangkot kun puwede. Nakapa-picture guid man sila, pero pasensiya na Leomsie wala ko na gin-upload diri ha?

Ang picture nga ini ang nagpahanumdom sa akon kun daw ano kabudlay ang mangin artista. Tuod guid man gali nga maskin indi maayo ang mood mo, kay gina-pangayo sang obra, kinahanglan mo guid ipakita ang yuhum mo. Ahay daw na-guilty man ko pagkakita ko sini ah.

Si Sheryl, samtang sige kami pa-picture, wala untat man siya sulit sang, "Hala daw indi sila ya mga tawo no? Kagamay sang gawi niya ho kag tan-awa bala ang panit! Daw indi guid ya sila tawo!" Huo na she, you have made your point....haha...=)

Maskin sin-o na lang, waay sing pili ah. Nalipat ko, sin-o 'ni siya gani? Sa diin gani 'ni siya nga commercial ah?

Pa-picture...

Pa-picture pa guid...

Ano pa abi ang pwede ma-obra habang gahulat pa guid sang may ma-agi nga mga artista? Mabati-an gali halin sa ginahulatan namon ang tingug sang mga hosts sa ASAP halin sa upper floor sang building.

• IT WAS A HAPPY YIPEE YEHEY DAY!

No pun intended ina ha, pasensiya lang. Nag-umpisa ang tanan sa lahog ni Bessy sa kay toto Samuel nga kun pwede niya kami makuhaan sang ticket sa showtime. Hambal gani nila, "You couldn't have the best of both worlds". So, sang nag-reply siya nga pwede kami katan-aw pero sa Happy Yipee Yehey lang kuno ang bakante, choosy pa ba kami? Samtang gapalapit na ang "big day", siyempre excited na ang tanan. Ang iban gahipos lang pero ga-praktis sang "Sakto! Wahaha!" sa atubang sang espiyo, ambot lang kun sin-o. Pero, si Lorenz nga super excited, gin-papuli na ni nanay niya sa Iloilo. Maskin naga-binagyo, wala guid na-cancel ang flight niya, so nagpuli siya nga daku guid ang langot sang buot niya. Tsakto, Mark? Si Sheryl iya, ginmasakit sang ara na ang "big day". Teh, wala kami mahimo kundi kami na lang guid nga apat ang naglantaw nga supposed to be, good for twenty persons ang ginpa-reserve nga seats.

At last, naka-tapak na guid man kami sa sulod sang Studio 6 ABS-CBN! Wala na ni 'ya pugong-pugong!

Dapat gali, thirty minutes before the show, sa sulod na sang studio ang audience. Nakibot kami kay kagamay gali sang studio nga kun sa tv tan-awon, pamatyagan mo daw daku-daku. Gin-briefing anay kami kun ano ang mga dapat kag indi dapat buhaton habang ga-air ang show. Siyempre, nagpraktis kami sang actions. Amo gali na ang feeling 'no? Biskan daw nahuya kaw tani, pero malatnan ka guid sang lively atmosphere sa sulod sang studio. 

Kaladlawan kay ang family and friends namon sa Passi nag-effort man nga matan-aw sang Happy Yipee Yehey sa TV. Ang magulang gani ni Chal, wala nagpa-pugong biskan sa eskwelahan. Anu-anu man lang nga daw may away si Pacquiao man. Dasun, waay untat pa ang text nila nga nakit-an nila kuno kami sa TV. Teh Lorenz, ano pa guid ayhan kun diri ka? Ginpasirado na guro ang Man-it kay duwa guid kita 'ya ang representative. hahaha! Ay, daw ako lang guid 'ya ang nalipay. Pag-lawag ni Randy sang "from Iloilo City!", baw daw gin-itik kami nga apat sa udyak. Pero indi guid madula ang mga may "more exposure" kag "less exposure" nga audience. Sa sunod Bes, kun may tv appearance na man kita (char! haha!), mapula man kami para labayan man kami sang camera sang sulit-sulit.

So far, okay man ang first tv appearance namun ah. Indi lang gali okay, sobra guid 'ya ka okay! Amo lang 'ni ah kay daw ma-ubusan na ko sang Hiligaynon. Sa sunod, dapat studio tours na ha?

*Promise, by that time, sagad na 'ko mag-Hiligaynon.

He wasn't spared after all. Now, I understand.

I never thought that it would come to a point wherein just the sight of an immaculately clean sheet of paper would lead me to silently scream with anticipation and glee.

True, homesickness could do that to a person.

More true, homesickness could do that to a person who has so much words just waiting for their right moment to be unleashed.

I don't even need my muse to sprinkle some magical inspiration dust on me. What's ironic still is that I can write (Imagine that? I can really write tirelessly at the moment!), I can definitely write without any blocks or inhibitions at the time when I gave up my reigns over my muse. I feel like a giddy 8-year old child on a May morning, quenching my thirst on a windy seaside with a slice of saccharine watermelon--- unmindful of the juice that trickles from my mouth to the space in between my shoulder blades, unmindful of the fact that in a few minutes time, the sweet juice that stains my pink summer dress would be as sticky and as gooey as a melting candy. That's what homesickness and the occasional bouts of depression can do to a person.

Now I understand why Rizal wrote some of his best works while away from his motherland. Lolo Pepe might have earned the title as our national hero and he might be brave enough to willingly die for his country, but you see, Lolo Pepe was just human like the rest of us, and a suffering writer at that. So even the great and illustrious Jose Rizal wasn't spared from the homesickness bug after all.

Now, I'm a little bit comforted.

Paano ni man?

Raej, nalipay lang ako
kay ang akon pamangkot
sang kagab-i lang,

amo man ang
imo pamangkot
sang subong guid lamang.

Gulpi ko na lang
napanumdum
pareho ayhan
ang dalagan sang
aton paminsaron?

Kaso, kay natak-an
na 'bi ako sang pirme
pamangkot na lang.

Kakapoy man gali,
ikaw ya Raej wala ka man nakapoy?
gani, pabay-i na lang ina.

Kay basi ang pamangkot 'ta
man lang ang pareho
pero lain-lain gali
nga sabat ang aton ginapanumdum.

Q&A Portion of a (never been) Beauty Queen

Okay, I admit it. I'm a sucker for beauty pageants. Some feminists group may react about this statement but let me make my point. Though I do not agree in all the aspects of beauty pageants, but I still see it as somehow, a celebration of a woman's beauty and wit.

And let's all admit it. We all go gaga over beauty pageants and most of the time, to the point of taking everything too personally as if these events could instantly solve the world's biggest problems at the moment. Like global warming, perhaps?

The recent outcome of the Miss Universe 2011 in which our representative landed in the 3rd runner-up spot elicited several reactions from our dear kababayans. Even after two weeks, though the heightened emotions have already somewhat dissipated, but the faint reverberations are still there.

So, before the Miss U fever is completely put to  a year of respite, I am having this little experiment. For the sake of experiencing the pressure of the beauty queens during the Q and A portion, let me test myself by answering some of the most over-rated beauty pageant questions. Just for the sake of fairness, I'll write the answer right away after the question is put to mind and I'll give myself 30 seconds to answer each question. 

Okay. Fair enough. Let's start.

• What's the real essence of a woman?

Answer: The extraordinary capacity to nourish a miniature human being inside the womb and deliver it to the world without having to end her influence at that moment of delivery, knowing that it continues in her entire lifetime and the child's lifetime as well, and even generations after that, and the thought that if she traces her roots, she will find another woman at the starting point of her history---that to me is the real essence of being a woman (woah!).

• What would you choose, beauty or brains?

Answer: Can I have both? (Answer not fit for a beauty pageant. I really am undecided over this matter, swear. Okay, next question)

• If you will turn into an animal in your next lifetime, what animal will you choose to be a---......

Answer: Uhm, excuse me. May I interrupt? Are you sure that's a valid question? Just so you know, I am already an animal. That's a basic scientific fact. Elementary science, remember? (Hala! Tinanong mo kasi ay isang Biology teacher eh...'yan tuloy....hahaha.)

• If an astronaut lands in your yard right now, what will you do or ask him?

Answer: I'll ask him to quarantine himself immediately in an isolated room in our house because he might be carrying with him some foreign microorganisms that might be a threat to world safety and security. That's all, thank you. (Sabi nang awat na sa mga questions na may scientific hints eh! Yan tuloy, sapul for the 2nd time!)

• How many islands does Phillipines have?

Answer: I couldn't think of a better answer than the most celebrated, "High tide or low tide?". Oh, wait. Let me change my answer. You mean before the Spratly Islands' controversy or at the moment? I'm sorry I couldn't give you an official number yet. Everything is still under negotiation. I'll let you know.

• If you want to change something about your physical aspect, what will it be and why?

Answer: I think I want to be a little bit taller, less angular...(several seconds interval)...I want my humungous eyebags to be removed...(several seconds interval)...my nose to be slimmer at the bridge...(several seconds interval)...my cheeks to be...Buzzer! Time's up! ( As in time's up na? Nagtanong ka, kaya napa-isip tuloy  ako. Alangan naman na sabihin ko na: "I am very much perfect, thank you very much. And I am happy with my physical perfection."? Kapag nagka-ganun, magmumukha akong katawa-tawa sa harap ng mga judges 'di ba? Kaya nga nagstart ang question sa "if" eh. In short, kung possible, kung may pagkakataon. Pambihira.)

...And for the finale questions, here are two of the most controversial questions posed to our Miss Universe Filipina representatives for last year and just recently. Oh my! I didn't think it would feel like this. Parang totohanan...haha. I'm very much pressured right now. (toink!:D)

• What is your greatest mistake and what did you do to change it?

Answer: My major, major greatest mistake in life is that I feel that there were moments in the past when I didn't do enough and I just gave less than my best. It was not because I felt inadequate or was inadequate but because I was scared that when I realize that I could do so much, that would separate me from the rest and being isolated was one of my greatest fears. But in the recent years, I realized that it's such a ridiculous idea. I've learned and is still trying the concept of humility----that I should not just embrace my weaknesses or my limit but I should also recognize and fully accept, without any qualms, the extent of my capacity. For when used with the right motive and intention, it is my capacity and not my weakness that can create positive changes.

• Would you give up your religion to marry the man you love?

Answer: (Ahem, eto na ang moment of truth.) At the moment, I can confidently say that I am in a position in which I could decide to just let go of the person that I love because I definitely cannot give up my religion, nor will I ask anybody, even the person that I love to give up his because that would be like saying to love me first before his God. However, we cannot fathom love's capacity to bridge differences, even faith. But when the time comes (Hindi na 'to pang-beauty queen na sagot, nafi-feel ko na. Speech na ito. Time's up na! But, I beg to continue...) when I feel a certain kind of love in which I know I could not just easily give it up, then I'd be very willing to keep it against all odds because I believe that love can transcend everything and let me refer to a line in the bible which says, "..and the greatest of all is love." If I feel that what we have is a kind of love that can transcend man's understanding and reason, including the judgment and the ridicule of the world, then, I will opt to pursue that love without having to ask each other to give up our faith, even if it means not accepting the blessing of each other's church. I know that it is against the law of the church and it would give me so much pain and heartache not to have the blessing of my church but on the other hand, it is also my strong belief that faith is an individual experience. So, if my time comes to personally come face to face with God and He asks me, "Why did you have to do it my child?", I know that He is an all-knowing and greatly gracious God that he would still embrace and welcome me to share His full glory despite having to break a rule of His church when I would answer Him, "My father, it's because I loved." (char!)

Hay, tantanan na sabi itong Q and A portion. Kung Miss Universe 'to o kahit simpleng Miss Baranggay lang, tiyak walang pasok kahit isa sa mga sagot ko. Kasi kadalasan, hindi ako one-liner answer kung mag-isip. At kasi, kapag na-ibuka ko na ang bibig ko at may na-insert ako na topic na feeling ko eh magandang i-explain further, talagang magsu-sway ako sa original answer ko (Kagaya nito, sinimulan ko sa English ang blog pero mukhang magtatapos yata sa Filipino.). Eh, hindi naman ito article na puwedeng i-edit at i-proof read, Q and A portion siya sa beauty pageant. At isa pang kasi, kasi mahilig akong sagutin ang mga tanong ng isa pang tanong. At last na talagang kasi, kasi 'pag umandar ang pagiging kritikal ko, baka masagot ko ang nagtatanong nang, "There are some questions that don't need to be answered. I think this is one of those." Pag nagkaganun, mas malaking isyu pa ang aabutin ko, mas malaki pa kesa sa pagkakaroon ng mga interpreters sa Miss U.

In short, hindi lang talaga ako pang-beauty queen material. 'Yun lang 'yun. That's all, thank you very much. =)

*Note: Ito ang kinalalabasan kapag sobrang antok at bored sa pag-proctor sa exam at alam mong hindi ka naman talaga kailangan dun kasi nga, nandun na ang mga "tamers of the raging lions". Kaya, inaliw ko na lang ang sarili ko sa pagsulat nito. 

Why Poets are Often Labeled as "Suffering"

I love poetry but there are moments when I intentionally take a respite from it, to be temporarily detached. Because frankly speaking, poetry can become too unbearable.

Why?

It's because when you're writing a prose, it's like exposing and baring your soul inside out. But when you're writing a piece of poetry, it's like taking your soul out of its life system and ripping it piece by piece, fragment by fragment---sometimes at an instant, but most of the time, gradually.

That's why.

Sisters' Act

It's a wonder. She's the better looking one but she's the one who is too camera shy to goof and make funny poses in front of the camera. While I, the all angles with no curves big sister, is the one who couldn't get enough of pictures.

This is one of those rare moments when I could coax her to relax in front of a camera. She  has this softly-rounded, well proportioned face that once made me hate my angular one. Talk about sister-envy....haha=)

She exudes this "suplada" aura around her and gets easily irritated when she could not make her point be understood but it's all her front to veil her fragile emotions. She's the type who would start a fight or a commotion and would end up crying in the middle of the battle that instead of pounding her instantly to defeat, you would get this strong urge to just cuddle her instead.

We grew up like cats and dogs, fighting over inconsequential things and then making up afterwards. Remember the time when we fought and we made a chaos all over the house---pulling at each other's hair, physically hurting each other and we were prepared to do it to death, pushing the tables and the chairs around the house and even climbing on it to get an advantage of height like we were on a duel? That is too funny to think now. But it wasn't fun when nanay had to make us kneel for two hours afterwards.

Yet, there are actually moments when sisters grow up, and grow tired of bickering and circling around each other's presence. There are moments when I still love to hate you and you admit that there are moments when you want to squish me when you have had enough of my crazy thoughts and ideas 'coz you are the serious and the more systematic thinker. You've become my walkathon buddy whenever I feel this strong urge to walk my stress and worries off and you would mutter and mumble a bit but would still go with me on my downtown walks or my jeepney rides, without actually a definite destination. 

Let's just admit it. You would have made a better "big sister" than I am because you are more grounded compared to me. But since we couldn't change destiny's plan and she let me out a full year ahead of you, let me play the big sister part here, okay?

 You may sometimes have doubts with your capacities and you often ask me how to go about some things when you are too unsure if what you've done is right, but let me tell you: you are greater than all your fears and doubts put together. You are a good planner  that you always put my incomprehensible plans to shame. You stick to the rules and you are good in comprehending and following it by heart 'til the final part when I have a lot of difficulty following step 1. You are not scared to delve in the matters of the heart and go for it when up to now, I'm only at the basic level---trying to live one day at a time with the realization that my one great unrequited love, will just be forever unrequited unless I do something about it or just completely drop it off. I chose the latter by the way, in case you ask. See? 

You're a whole lot better off. So why worry too much about a thing that you would one day just laugh about? You worry too much dear sister, to the point of getting sick.

God is with you on your board exam you crazy sisterrete! How dare you go to a fortune teller who told you that it will be a fifty-fifty chance? It's not about chance, nor luck, nor fate dear sister. It's about putting to test what you know and what you've learned. And you're not at the loosing end on that matter. 

So the next time you decide to put your fate on a fortune teller (May pinagmanahan ka talaga sa mga kabaliwan! Hay naku! No wonder...), better go to me. I'll tell you just what exactly you need that would black those (almost) perfectly shaped eyes of yours. 

Just prepare the fee though, no free service, even for sisters.

"Dear John" ang drama

The same moon is what you see tonight. That's enough...=D

Something to Look Forward to

When things are at their absolute worst, they can only get better in the future.=)

I Still Believe....

I still believe in the goodness of the human spirit...=D

What It Was and What Is, Are Two Different Things

My previous grade 1 learners from three years ago are just adorable. Their messages and chats include topics about religion and self control with some pointers about friendship in between. I couldn't remember thinking like this when I was that age. What happened to bahay-bahayan and chinese garter and panagu-ay? But it's just interesting and amusing to witness the shift in the state of mind of these kids which give a new light to the concept of "childhood".....=)

I Gave my Yellow Bookshelf a Make-Over!

Last April of this year, when I was jobless and almost penniless, out of nowhere, I got the itch of repainting my old book shelf which has been housing my books, since like, forever (Super over! And not to mention, over-rated word...haha!).

Out of the two bookshelves that I have, this yellow bookshelf is my favorite and it houses a portion of my book collection, not to mention that the books placed in this particular shelf are some of my favorites....

Perhaps it was my subconscious' way of helping me not to get into panic attacks whenever I think of the facts that: (1.) I still didn't have a job (Actually, I was already accepted in a school that I applied into but I had this strong feeling that the Man upstairs had a different plan for me, which he surely did have.) and (2.) I was ALMOST penniless that the money in my pocket was several  peso less from a four digit number.

So, my ever reliable subconscious screamed at me to unleash my creative side (sus!), despite the fact that, again, I was almost penniless. Do I really have to reiterate that I was almost penniless? There I go with the almost penniless again. See? Ay, cut it off!

Armed for the painting job!

So, with a heavy heart, I had to spend a big portion of the money left with me to buy paint in order to satiate my thirst for creative work.

Though it was an amateurish attempt, I was satisfied with how my dear, trusty bookshelf looked after.

the side...

the top view

....and the other side

So what caused me almost a heartache, for shelling some of my penny out months before, is now standing mutely and proudly at one corner in our house. It is still the same sturdy bookshelf (I'll somewhat be missing a little the charming yellow bookshelf, though.), yet at the moment, it holds a certain story (Of how my decisions in life would further affect the ones in the future...paano ako napunta dito? haha!) in every amateur strokes and lines on its surface.

...and I think I will not be tired looking at it for a long, long time.